I wouldn’t consider myself to be an overly verbose person. But I have never felt more like a blabber mouth than when I first started teaching and had several excessively shy piano students. Apparently I can’t stand silence… so I fill it. And, if I analyze how the piano lessons then went, I spent most of my time talking at my student, waiting for a reply, and then quickly moving on when I didn’t get one. I’d end up answering for my student instead of enduring the uncomfortable silences; therefore assuming they “got it”.
We all will encounter a piano student who is overly shy… and lessons with a very timid student can sometimes be difficult to teach. With these 6 tips you can begin to gain their trust and encourage them to feel comfortable in their lessons.
Shy Piano Students And What You Need To Know
My shyest student is one I have taught piano to for years (like since she would arrive at lessons in a booster seat in the car). She’s now driving that car… with a boyfriend in the seat beside her (yikes, I’m old!). She’s still not all that talkative but she inadvertently taught me many important things about how to teach piano to shy students.
1) It’s all about the atmosphere – First and foremost you need to be sure your shy students are not shy because they feel intimated in their piano lessons. It is so important to create an atmosphere of mutual respect; an atmosphere where making mistakes is okay (in fact they should be celebrated… we learn from our mistakes!) It is your mission to make each and every piano student feel understood, cared for, and valued. You have immense amounts of influence in your position as their piano teacher. We’ve all heard recounts of “knuckle-wrapping” piano teachers… most students in these situations learn and retain very little. It’s hard to learn when you’re scared. You may not think you are intimidating (and I’m sure knuckle-wrapping is a thing of the past!)… but do a quick self-check just to be sure. Little piano students can be extremely sensitive.
2) Silence is not Golden – While you don’t want to drown your shy piano student in excessive chatter, you also don’t want to put them on the spot.Avoid creating situations that could possibly result in uncomfortable silences or forced whispered responses. If you yourself have a “large” personality, reign in your enthusiasm slightly so as to not overwhelm your shy students… however, if you yourself are shy, force yourself to become a bit more outgoing. Find a balance that makes for a comfortable amount of conversation.
3) Be Predictable – Shy students often take comfort in routines and in knowing what to expect.They feel most secure when they know they won’t be suddenly thrust into being the centre of attention. You will gain their trust much faster if you are predictable and consistent.
4) Demonstrate, Don’t Describe – Shy students are often uncomfortable voicing their understanding – but it doesn’t mean that they don’t get it. It’s important to not answer for them (although it’s tempting at times!) but it’s also important for them to somehow show you if they do or do not understand. Demonstration can often be the best way for them to show you. Instead of asking them to answer you verbally, tell them, “show me”.
5) Embrace Humor – It’s tricky to be shy when you’re having a really great time. Engage your piano students with a good sense of humour. After all, Serious Teacher+ Shy Student = Painfully Boring Lesson. Get them giggling to bring them out of their shell.
6) Make a connection – Find out what makes them tick in their life outside piano lessons and engage them in conversations about things they love. By gently nudging them to share their world with you you’ll be creating a strong bond that will eventually allow them to open up even more to you.
When thinking of how to teach piano to shy students, I’ve often thought that I’d rather have a squirmy, chatty, firecracker of a student on my bench than a shy student. I am the kind of person who relishes a challenge – and those firecrackers can certainly be difficult to rein in. And while they may initially seem like dream students, our shy piano students are actually even more of a challenge than the outgoing ones. While they are certainly easy to teach at, they can be difficult to teach. By being cognizant of their needs, we as piano teachers can have a large part in helping them gain confidence…. (and apparently even a boyfriend!)
Stacey says
Great tips. I completely agree–shy students can be quite the challenge! Personally, I’ve had better luck connecting with the younger shy kids and getting them out of their shells. I’ve had a lot more trouble with the shy teenagers–it seems that no matter what you say to a shy teenager…. nothing works! At least for me.
I have one teenage boy who’s playing very well and listens to instruction, but WON’T TALK. I’ve tried so many approaches over the past 1.5 years with him–but, honestly–I find our lessons VERY boring…. I imagine that he must feel the same! Any tips for dealing with shy teenagers in particular?
Trevor says
Hi Stacey,
Thanks for commenting! Yes, shy teens can be a whole new ball game as it can often be difficult to figure out why they are the way they are. Sometimes they don’t even know! I approach teens in the same fashion as I would any other shy child. With teens especially establishing a friendship with them can make all the difference (as Christine commented). We blogged awhile ago about teaching teenagers specifically that you can find here https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2011/04/02/teaching-piano-to-teenagers/
Hope Noar says
I have been known to totally change personalities! Shy students do not remain shy for long in my house. I know how to talk to kids. You have to enter their world. Ask about school, activities, friends, and get to know them. My husband and I have taught the same students and he would find them to be shy, whereas they would talk to me. This is a gift that I have…..I love love love kids. An interesting thing is that I have five grandkids, and the ones in CO we don’t see often. So one day we went to the daycare to pick up a grandchild with his dad and I ran right over to the baby and picked him up. My husband thought I was rushing things, but the child felt very secure with me, and we bonded immediately and I think he totally remembered me from our last visit. He felt my love. And now that he is eight, when we visit, he rushes right over to me and gives me a hug. I make a difference in children’s lives, and all five grandkids love me, and wish they lived near me. I try to set myself apart from other grandmothers and other piano teachers. I skyped with my three year old granddaughter last night and she sat in a chair and was not one bit bored. We played silly hair and kept hiding behind our curly hair. When her dad told her they had to sign off, she did not want to. I am part kid myself and that is what makes me unique. This is totally my calling. I want to make a difference!
Trevor says
Hi Hope,
You sound like you are a fantastic teacher – your students are lucky to have someone who is as invested in them as you obviously are (as are your Grandchildren!) It is very true that some people just have a knack with children – being able to find your “inner child” is definitely something that helps children to relate to adults in an easy way.
Thanks for commenting!
Rebecca Brown says
I have one student who is 7 years old and has taken lessons from me for 2 1/2 years. She is always very quiet in her lessons. But always does exactly what she is instructed to do, and is progressing nicely. I made a comment one day to her mother regarding how she is so shy and that she hardly ever talks in my lessons. Her mom was shocked! “Really? Ysabella? She never STOPS talking at home!” In my observations over the next few lessons, I realized two things: 1)Being accustomed to chatty girls, I was making “shy” the opposite of “chatty”, and had felt a need to help her overcome it. I quickly discovered that, if I initiated a “chatty” conversation, little Ysabella was very quick to join in; 2)I should rejoice! What was happening in our lessons was that Ysabella was SO intent on learning everything she could in her lessons that she simply stayed focused and listened to every word I said! She would always answer my questions, but never says much more, unless I push for it. Our lessons are very productive because of this!
Trevor says
Hi Rebecca,
Great story! Sounds like you have a dream student 🙂
Happy Teaching
Andrea
Christine says
I just started teaching the WunderKeys program to a very sweet 4 year old. She smiles all through her lesson……and refuses to speak! She does all the things I ask, and looks as though she is enjoying herself, but no sound comes out 🙂 Such a difference from the usual non stop talking of a preschooler. I am hoping with time and patience I will get her to open up. We just had our third lesson today, still no sound, but she did nod in response to a few questions…..I think we are making progress!
Sarah – With teenagers I have always found that taking a really down to earth attitude helps. Sometimes, teenagers can be very intimidating to teach(does anyone else feel that their students are cooler than them?) But it can work both ways – your student may be intimidated by you! I find chatting with them about school subjects I enjoyed, or dreaded as a teenager can help, as it allows them to relate to you. Talk with them about struggles you had with the piano at their age, and how you overcame them (or didn’t!) Good luck!
Trevor says
Hi Christine,
Sounds like you are making progress! For really little ones, piano lessons are often the first time they’ve been one-on-one with an adult other than Mom or Dad. I have a feeling you’ll win her over in no time 🙂
Thanks for your suggestions for Stacey as well! So true.
Andrea
Christine says
Sorry, that last comment was meant for Stacey! (note to self: read through comment before posting…)
Doreen Hall says
I was researching this topic,when I came across this website, thanks all for the good Ideas. I have a new 7 year old in my studio who will not speak at all. She plays remarkable well but just points to everything or nods. I am hoping that she will warm up after a while.
chloe says
So I just started teaching my 8 year old cousin piano (my very first student). I always considered her to be a very outgoing child and liked the limelight to be on her so when I started teaching her I was shocked when she was so incredibly nervous, to the point where she keeps her head down hides behind her hair, her hands are shaking and won’t speak. Her mum tells me she loves it and really enjoys practising but she is just soo nervous for some reason.. she plays well and follows instructions but she can spend 20 minutes not responding to anything im saying and won’t follow instructions she just sits there. I try everything such as rewarding her with stickers and biscuits but it is so difficult. Her mum said it would devastate her to give up lessons and I’m determined to get her out of her shell! Any tips?
Abigail Jackson says
Sometimes working with family members is even more challenging than working with strangers, as your family already knows you in some capacity. Is your “teacher self” noticeably different than how you act when you’re just being cousins? If you’re trying to be too formal in your professional role, you may be unintentionally intimidating her. Younger cousins always look up to older ones. Be as informal and friendly as you can. Verbal encouragement and reinforcement will probably go much further than physical stickers and things. Also, spend as much time as you can with her outside of piano lesson time. This relationship has the potential to be so much more than just teacher/student! Good luck!