I dreamed of teaching my children to play the piano ever since I dreamed of having children. In my fantasy my little one would climb up on my lap and gaze at me with adoring eyes “Mommy… please teach me to play just like you!”. She would then listen intently, try diligently, play duets with me, and soak up every ounce of wisdom I could give her. She would, of course, be my star pupil and folks in the community would shake their heads in amazement wherever she would play.
And then I had Lexi. And then I tried to teach her to play the piano. And then I quickly arranged piano lessons for her with a teacher at our studio. And we’ve been happy ever since.
I’m Mom… That’s Your Piano Teacher
For my little one we needed a clear separation between Mom and piano teacher. Blending those two just didn’t work for us. I’ve stayed at home with Lexi for all of her first 5 years… perhaps she was just sick of me.
Or maybe I didn’t approach it in the correct way.
Teaching Your Own Child To Play Piano? Then Check This Out…
Lexi has been in piano lessons for over a year now and we are now (yay!) at the point where home practice together is the highlight of our evenings. She gazes at me adoringly when I play for her. We play duets. She listens intently and tries so hard to take my suggestions. It’s bliss. And for many parents who are piano teachers, teaching piano to their own child is a wonderful experience – they wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve learned the following 4 tips from my own experiences and from talking to other piano teachers who teach their own children. It can work; it DOES work.
If you’re in the midst of “this isn’t working” or somewhere in between blah and bliss…and you desperately want to make it work, check out these tips for making parent piano lessons the stuff dreams are made of.
1. Follow a set schedule – just as you would your piano students, schedule a timeslot for your child that you keep the same week to week. Commit to that time as much as you would a paying student.
2. Make a clear division between lesson and practice – if every piano practice session becomes a piano lesson your child will get frustrated (and so will you). Children need that time in between lessons to fully process the new skills they have been taught. They also need that time to simply play… without being guided and without being continually challenged to learn more. Allow them to practice independently as much as you can. It will make your Piano Lesson Time together much more meaningful.
3. Keep your lessons free from distractions – keep siblings and spouses at bay during this time. Allow yourself this time to be for just you and your child. Ignore the happenings of the day. Avoid discussion about school, homework, why they may be grounded…;) keep it all about music.
4. Make a change the moment you notice things going south – don’t be afraid to make a change and pass your child on to another piano teacher if you reach a point where you can see they would benefit from the relationship of student/teacher. We all know that a special relationship between student and teacher is something that can make a very positive impact on a child’s life – when you feel your child may be ready to move on, don’t hesitate. A 3rd party in your triangle of piano education can be the key ingredient to maintaining your child’s interest in the piano… and may keep your dream of playing duets with your own DNA alive!
One of the funnest parts of our practice time together is helping Lexi work through the 88 days of practice found in “Shhh…Your Piano Teacher Thinks This is Practice.” It’s a great way to end our practice time together – she looks forward to it every day and will not let me forget to give her the “fun sheet” as she calls it. In fact, many of the activities we created with her sense of humor in mind! Teaching your own child to play the piano or sharing home practice time with them? Check it out!
Kerri Turner says
It is interesting the strange looks I get when I tell people I don’t teach my own son, rather I send him to another piano teacher. Now, I do sit with him in most of his practice sessions and it thrills my soul to hear him play “Camptown Races” or “Jingle Bells!” He is in 1st grade and has had about 6 months of lessons now. For us, it works better this way!
Mary says
I’ve been teaching my g’daughter for abt four years. It wouldn’t have worked at all without teaching her friend at the same time. She has a well-developed silly streak and he is very serious and competitive. Fortunately, the balance tipped (slightly) toward the serious. At the beginning they played almost everything together, but when I worked with one of them individually the other would dance or march or sing. She’s learned to accompany his violin pieces and he plays for dances he choreographed.
I started younger brother with a partner who, alas, moved away after a few months. Things were a bit rocky for a while, but I try to make the lesson as professional as possible. I think it will work. I’ve learned to accommodate his learning style and his desire to do everything big sis and friend do.
Love your blog and find your hints extremely helpful.
Michelle says
This is such a TRUE post for my family. Parents of my students are SHOCKED when I tell them my son goes to another piano teacher. It’s very hard for my kids to separate mom from teacher. The only suggestion I’ve had for other teachers is to have their children’s lessons set up on the same day they schedule paying students’ lessons, and have their kids call them “Mr.” or Mrs” like other students. This can help teacher/parent and student/child keep the professional boundaries! If this doesn’t work, it’s time to call another professional to help keep the peace. I have also found that if I’m paying for lessons, you’d better believe I’m going to make sure my kids practice. Both for the money and the accountability.
ame says
It was the BEST thing to have someone else teach my girl!!! We “auditioned” her potential teacher, thinking that it was we who were going to decide if this was going to work. She guided and mentored and cared and understood the talented child we thought we had, and she was able to bring out so much good!!! Just glad I could put “my self” aside and let another lead. It was much more enjoyable to listen to the practices, knowing I was NOT the one who had to deal with the problems!
Shanna says
I tried to teach my older two girls when they were younger and ended up getting them a teacher who has since moved away. My youngest has bugged me for three years and I just wasn’t willing to go through it again but there just weren’t any teachers in our town I felt comfortable with. This year I took her on. We set down rules we both could agree on and she is scheduled in between paying students. I treat her like any other student but practice time is hers. If she has a problem or needs help, “mom” comes out. It has been a learning curve for me to leave the teacher hat off while helping her but its worth it in the end. For now, it’s working.
Kirsten says
These comments are so so so helpful. I’m just feeling rotten about the way my son’s piano lessons are going. We just end up arguing and he just won’t try. I feel like a bit less of a failure reading these comments. I think it’s time to find a teacher!
Mrs M says
Thank you Andrea. Your title made me laugh out loud – describing it as a possible ‘nightmare’! I’m teaching my little boy the piano and only tonight have I wondered if I should find another teacher (despite him doing so well). He has recently started to seriously fidget at the piano when sitting for a lesson (the last three lessons), so much so that it is hard to teach him anything! And yet, if I persevere and finally get him to settle during the 1/2 hour lesson, he can then play the little melody later, quite easily and without the music. So, somehow it’s being absorbed, although I don’t know how with all the wriggling he’s doing at the moment! Your tips are wonderful, and I think you’re right, I need to set some firm boundaries. My little one is always asking for a lesson, sometimes I have given in, other times I try to schedule it in with when I normally would teach, and tell him to practice towards the upcoming lesson on Saturday morning… but as he has been so enthusiastic and loving each lesson, it has been hard to say no. I think setting a time, as you would with any student, is valuable advice and I’m now going to stick to it. Thank you. Otherwise, I think the child may take the lessons for granted if they are too readily available – that could be what’s happening for us. I also think I have fallen into the trap where I have ‘helped’ during his practice times – mostly when he asks, but sometimes just by sheer habit of being a teacher … I think this has blurred the boundaries and not allowed him to simply explore and play independently – which your article reminded me is so incredibly important for development. I think I need to let him know his practice times are ‘his own’ and that I’ll proudly listen any time, but our ‘lesson time’ is a set time each week.
I’m so relieved to hear this is quite common for teachers/musicians teaching their own children! I thought I was alone and was feeling bad in thinking it might not be working despite all going so well so far ( I would not want to hinder his learning or love of music in any way) . I’ll be a little firmer with the boundaries and see how we go, but I’ll find another piano teacher if I think he’ll be better off, as sad as that will make me. It’s really wonderful sharing the gift of music with him and watching him learn and develop.
Thanks so much for writing the article.
Jerry Briardy says
Thanks for this posting. I’m a very mediocre player myself, though I’ve been at it a long time, 15 years. I don’t really even know where to begin as I got my lessons mostly from the Internet and what I already know from the guitar (40+ years playing) I have a 7 year old son who begs for lessons but loses interest when I try teaching him. Time to find a teacher.