How many times has this happened to you? Your piano student is progressing nicely, you’re working together well… everyone is happy and enjoying lessons… and then you get “the email”.
“We’d really like to see Taylor play music that is more difficult. His cousin plays _____ and we want him to start learning it too.”
Or some variation of that.
Piano teachers frequently email Trevor and I looking for advice when parental expectations are not in line with their teaching style or the current abilities of their student… I know he’s not ready for this… what do I say? He doesn’t really practice that much and so to expect this is unrealistic. I don’t want them to think that I can’t teach it to him, it’s just that he’s not ready for this yet.
Effectively responding to these requests is essential to maintaining a good working relationship with your studio parents and prevents any misunderstandings or miscommunications… But what should you say?
4 Steps To Communicating With Piano Parents Who Expect “More”…
As a professional you don’t want to change the way you teach piano lessons because of the request of a parent; your expertise is what your piano families are paying for. You don’t want to compromise your piano students’ enjoyment of lessons by abandoning everything in favor of working “one measure at a time” on a piece that’s way above their level.
But as a business person you also probably don’t want to ruffle any feathers by appearing inflexible or unwilling. So if a parent’s request is not pedagogically detrimental to their child’s development and motivation, and if their request is not completely out in “left field” it doesn’t hurt to at least acknowledge it.
Over my many years of teaching I’ve found an effective way of responding to parents who send an “expect more” email that satisfies the needs of both you and your students’ parents.
Note: This post is not meant to deal with parents who make repeated requests. This requires a completely different strategy… mostly aimed at asserting yourself as the captain of the ship 🙂
Step 1: Acknowledge their goal and identify what their child is already doing well that will contribute to that goal.
“I absolutely love that piece too, and with Taylor’s amazing sense of rhythm I know he will be able to master it one day. He’s really been working hard on his scales and Hanon exercises, and so the finger strength that is needed for that piece is something we’re already working on. We both know he’s a pro when it comes to remembering his dynamics and when he does play that piece it will definitely be dramatic like it needs to be!”
Step 2: Clearly lay out what their child needs to achieve before working towards their request.
“That particular piece is a few levels above where Taylor is currently playing. I’d like him to first complete _____ and _______ as both of those will build his comfort level in playing pieces that have more than one or two sharps or flats in the key signature. Over the next while we’ll also be starting some work on arpeggios, as this is something he needs to be able to do to play the middle section of that piece (and other pieces too!)”
Step 3: Offer an alternative that is similar in style and that will serve to strengthen some of the skills their child needs to improve upon.
“If Taylor is interested in that piece then that gives me a great idea of some other pieces with a similar style that we can tackle first. This will help him build some of the skills he will need to be able to play it in the future. I have a particular piece in mind that I’ll have ready for his next lesson – I know he’ll really enjoy it. I’ve included the YouTube link below so you can listen to it together.”
Step 4: Identify what the parents can do at home to assist their child in reaching this goal.
“Now that Taylor has this goal to work towards, I’d love it if he could set up a predictable practice routine at home – perhaps practicing in the morning would ensure that his soccer practices don’t interfere with piano practice in the evenings? Once he starts arpeggios with me in the lessons, sitting down with him each time to be sure he’s following my fingering suggestions would really help. And while we are working towards that piece, having him listen to other music by the same composer would be a great way of really absorbing that style. Perhaps you could find some recordings on iTunes to listen to in the car.”
The Final Piece Of The Puzzle Is…
The follow-up. After a few weeks have passed (during which you’ve implemented some of what you’ve communicated) it’s important to do a “follow-up”. Check-in via email and clearly lay out what you have been working on in lessons that will contribute to the goal. Ask for further assistance if needed in terms of home involvement, and let the parents know what their child has accomplished (even if it’s small) that will contribute to this goal.
This follow-up shows that you have validated their request. The rest is then placed in their hands – their involvement and support at home and their child’s commitment to practicing are what will result in being able to play the “desired piece”. Meanwhile, you have been able to continue with your regular program without any significant changes.
Looking For A Way To Make Practice Fun?
When I need to encourage more parental involvement at home and more effective practice I send home a copy of “Shhhh…Your Piano Teacher Thinks This is Practice” (Check it out here.) with the goal of having my student complete 88 days of practice activities. Kids love our quirky approach to piano practice and parents love the regular time on the bench that it encourages!.
Julie says
You must have been reading my mind!!! I had a parent accost me in the waiting room yesterday about a book labeled “late beginner” and shouldn’t she be playing harder things by now. Your first step, identifying what they do well now is exactly what I needed to hear. Wish me luck!
Morgan Weisenburger says
Good luck!!
Aiden says
This is the exact opposite to how I grew up! My father kept telling me “why are you always trying to play things so complicated?! You should just try and start off with something simple.”
Things were always really backwards for me growing up. My dad used to get so infuriated when I told him I wanted to become a carpenter or a mechanic. I’d just kind of hint the idea sometimes and he’d just turn red! Actor, musician, painter. Those were my options.
Judy says
In all my years of teaching, have never encountered this, however, can certainly see it happening. Thank you so much for your insightful recommendations. Will be keeping a copy of this in my “Teacher’s Enrichment” notebook which I keep for myself! Thank you!
Fionagh Bennet says
I often get, “Why hasn’t he/she taken grade 1 yet? My niece has taken it after 1 year/ Joe has already done Clarinet grade 2….etc” Your strategy can be easily adapted to this scenario also, as few non-musical parents realise what Grade 1 on piano entails and how many skills are needed.
Sandra says
The addition of Preparatory A and Preparatory B to the RCM curriculum has helped parents (and students) to see that it takes awhile to build the skills necessary to do Grade 1 work. (I should say ‘Level 1’ because that is the new terminology we are encouraged to use)
My strategy to deal with ambitious parents is to give their child one piece at the desired level while carrying on with ‘regular’ work. Usually what happens is that the student never completes that piece, or else it takes so long to learn that parents can see that the higher level is beyond them for now. I can see all the suggestions above could be helpful in this process, though.
Roni says
Sandra, that is such a good idea. Better than the pupil getting the exam book, then having the disheartening experience of chewing through, spoon-fed bar by bar, so un-musical, and with the added pressure of time running out to get the exam done.
September Salazar says
I had never had an issue like this until this year when I took on a beginning student. He was progressing beautifully. I was lining up to award him student of the month and his mother told me that she was not happy that we were using lesson time to play games. I explained very courteously that the games we use in the last 5-10 minutes of lessons are to teach and reinforce musical concepts that are helping him as a musician. She again complained about how they payed too much for lessons for him to be using his time not working fully on his songs and told me they would find another teacher! Wow! I have never heard that one before!
Andrea says
I do find it sad when the perception of piano lessons as being only “song based” exists… Can you imagine how bland school would be if children *only* read novels to lean how to read?! Certainly not as effective as including enrichment activities designed to reinforce needed reading skills!
Elizabeth says
Thank you! I have this constantly – or so it seems. In fact I’ve been holding one parents unrealistic expectations at bay for over 2 years now. Major headache! (And she isn’t the only one). I think the graded exam system in an exam result fixated country can cause more harm than good at times, and gives parents a false idea of what learning music ‘is’ and how ‘it’ is achieved. I will be putting your excellent ideas into practice…immediately.
Judy Bigelow says
OMG – this must be universal and it’s so funny! Thanks for the ideas ……
Jan says
As always, a great blog post…. Thank you!
Roni says
Thanks for this, Michelle, I love the Adventures series too but didn’t know about the app.
Sami jo says
Oh neat! I love Faber too and am looking up the app tonight- thanks!:)
Nodira says
Wuau! It’s exactly what I was told few weeks ago, just bcs student had played at the concert level 3 song by his favourite composer, but we still working on level 2 technical issues, his parent decided he’s ready to do level 4 exam?!?
Barbara says
Wow! You have some great suggestions! Thank you!!!!!