For a piano teacher, there’s no greater compliment than when a sibling signs up for lessons. It’s validation that you’re doing a good job!
At our music school, over 60 percent of our families have more than one child in music lessons. And while gaining multiple students from the same family is great for business, it does come with a lot of challenges; the greatest of which is sibling rivalry.
Piano Lessons and Sibling Rivalry
When two children from the same family are both taking piano lessons, there will undoubtedly be a certain level of competition. It may be blatant and open, or it may be subtle. But it will exist. And if it isn’t handled properly, it can often mean one sibling walks.
Teaching Piano to Siblings
Many parents try to nip sibling rivalry in the bud by registering their children in different activities. One child may take piano, while another takes guitar… or ballet… or archery. They recognize that a common activity will lead to competition.
But it doesn’t have to be this way!
The key is in making each sibling feel like they are in a different activity despite learning the same instrument from the same teacher. It is extra effort on your part as the piano teacher, but if you can make their lessons feel like night and day, while still maintaining quality, then you will have mastered the art of teaching piano to siblings.
So, how do you personalize piano lessons?…
1. Avoid using the same method books – When siblings play the same pieces from the same books parents, teachers, and kids will naturally begin to compare quality and progress.
2. Schedule lessons on different days – There is a serious convenience factor when piano lessons are on the same da,y but if you have extremely competitive siblings (and the parents are on board), piano lessons on different days can work wonders.
3. Switch up performance opportunities – Let each child bask in their own personal glory by scheduling individual performance opportunities.
4. Award Siblings Carefully – Many piano studios give recognition for Student of the Month or Composer of the Month etc. If you find one sibling is “cleaning up” it may be necessary to find a way to reward the struggling sibling, all the while still recognizing the efforts of the first.
5. Number Five is up to you! Leave us a comment detailing how you deal with sibling rivalry in your piano studio.
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ame says
I have two young brothers taking lessons – together, back-to-back, and sometimes literally together! We have each one’s lesson (same method book), then share a ten-minute time of games at which each are encouraged … often the younger leads the older (but, his temperament does not seem to mind the competition!). Once a month, because of volunteer commitments, we have a shortened version of their lessons – listening to each individually, and then shorter time for games. I have loved working with these two boys and find support from family helps a lot! The mother of these boys comes on a different day, and is much further along in lessons because of previous music training and experiences.
I also have had several mothers and daughters who have taken lessons. In one case the mother had taken lessons when younger and returned lesson in order to be able to play for church. Another mother had wanted to take lessons for years, has a real ear for music, and is flying through beginning lessons. Another daughter has long ago passed the mom in natural abilities, and the mom continues to remind herself that they’re not the same person or with the same abilities (that’s been challenging!).
Tracy says
I’m currently teaching two sisters and have encountered the sibling rivalry. I started them out with different method books to try to counter act the comparison, but it still seems to persist. I hope others will post some different tips to try as well!
Thanks for the great topic, again!
Jeannie says
I live in a community of 3400 people so needless to say, I have lots of family competition. I use different method books so they never play the same music even a year later. I have set up a keyboard with headphones in the back of the studio. The one NOT taking the lesson either walks the studio dog outside (she is 6 months old and a stray that we rescued) or they have to ‘fun’ play the keyboard. It has amazed me the different sounds and songs these kids come up with on the keyboard. As far as recitals go, I ask different churches to give me 5 to 10 at the beginning of their service for 1 or 2 students to perform. None of the churches have said ‘no’ and often they call and want to know if someone wants to come. I never have the same family members play at the same church and never on the same day. FYI: The churches do not expect the families to stay for church so there is never any pressure. We perform at the beginning of the service.
Rebecca Brown says
I have also had siblings taking lessons at the same time. The best advice I can give is to counsel the parents about how to be the parent of music students. More often than not, sibling rivalry comes from the parents, themselves, comparing the students. Parents need to be very aware of how and how much the praise each child for their accomplishments. If the only thing one child is really good at in their lessons is keeping a steady beat, then tell them how wonderful it is that they can do that! Students are much more likely to feel the need to compete with their sibling if, by excelling, they are also going to receive more attention and praise from the parents they long to please.
I actually have one student right now who is more talented than anyone I have ever taught. He began lessons at age 7. Already, at age 10, he is playing music I played in college. His 4-year-old sister started lessons with me this fall, and his mother is constantly making comments expressing her concern about how slowly the little sister is progressing. I continually remind her that a 4-year-old student is a completely different creature than a 7-year-old student, no matter how much natural ability and potential he/she has. The mother responds to my guidance well. But it still blows my mind that she would compare them in this way, when they didn’t even start lessons at the same age.
If possible, I do put the siblings in different method books, so it’s harder for them to play the “I’m ahead of you” game. (Not all families can afford this, though.) And I’m very adamant in lessons that I will not allow them to belittle their sibling in any way. If the waiting sibling is in the room during the other child’s lesson, he/she is not allowed to make any sort of negative remarks during the lesson.
I also try to find duets for them to play together now and then. This is a fun way to use their developing talents, that is a lot easier to coordinate when the two students live in the same household and can practice together on a regular basis. It also sometimes acts as therapy for the two siblings who may not always get along. I call it “planned adversity”. They are forced into a situation where they have to just decide to work together in order to be successful.
Richard Hurley says
When I teach siblings back to back I give the older one a 40 minute lesson and the younger one a 20 minute lesson. I make sure the older one gets far enough ahead that they stay ahead. If the young one should catch the older one, the older one will quit. I learned that lesson the hard way!
Elizabeth says
I MANY siblings… one particular set of brothers are close in age (7 and 8) and the younger is MUCH better than the older and the older is HIGHLY competitive. I have a hard time balancing their competitive natures when the younger knows he is better. Even in different books, they still try to play each others material and the older can’t even touch the younger. I am always running challenges within the studio between all the students and their practice time, so that puts the “pressure” onto both boys “against” all the other children so it relieves some of the tension at home. The mom is really good about not saying ANYTHING positive or negative and just letting the boys duke it out as they will, only curbing the tide of negative or complaining comments.
Elizabeth says
Hahaha… I meant “I TEACH many siblings” and the glasses smile face was meant as an 8!!
Andrea says
Some great comments everyone! Lots to learn from and lots to remember when dealing with family relationships within your studios. Thanks for posting.