Recently I took on a new student. I had received a few warnings from those who knew her… (“Oooh… she’s a busy one.” and “Hope you have lots of energy!”). So, when she arrived for her first lesson I was “armed and ready”.
But she was delightful… respectful… and… quiet!
Perhaps it was my calming influence I told myself… maybe she sensed my years of experience and knew intuitively to act respectfully around me. I almost felt like boasting to my nay-sayers, “Oh her? She’s absolutely perfect for me!”
It’s a good thing I didn’t.
Oh… The Honeymoon is over.
It was about four lessons before “the change” happened. As my new piano student became more comfortable with me and got used to the fun atmosphere I create in lessons, she began to test me. My once-quiet student was now an unstoppable chatterbox who would turn any piano-related conversation into something completely off-topic. Any manipulatives I used in the lesson were used and abused. Any moment she had to goof off she took… with zeal.
I emerged from that 4th lesson wide-eyed. What had just happened to my “perfect” student? The honeymoon was clearly over.
But my years of experience as a young teacher who would accept any student regardless of “behavioral hiccups” had given me the skills I needed to turn things around for the 5th lesson. The 4th was not something I wanted to repeat.
Re-Establishing Boundaries In a Piano Lesson
If you too have a piano student who has reached a certain comfort level with you and things are heading south then try my Top 5 Ways for Re-establishing Boundaries In a Piano Lesson:
1. Verbalize your expectations before you begin the lesson. I had assumed from my student’s previous behavior that she understood lesson expectations. But assuming often makes for misunderstandings and so I needed to verbalize three things (keeping it simple) that were most important for my student to remember.
For this particular student, I welcomed her to the lesson and then said “Today I want you to remember that when I’m talking, your body needs to be still. We can talk about your piano practice, or what we’re working on but we’ll save the stories from school until the end of the lesson. We can still use the fun manipulatives, but only when I say it is time and I need you to be gentle with them”. Eye contact. A nod of understanding.
When she strayed (and she did a little) I just reminded her with a gentle “Do you remember what I said at the start of the lesson?” and she responded well.
2. Use a visual schedule. I use a visual calendar to set expectations for what needs to happen in a lesson. I can then refer to this visual easily and say “If we don’t get this part of the lesson finished, then we won’t have time to…” if I need a student to get back on track.
3. Recognize her needs. This student needed to move; she just did. And 30 minutes of sitting was not going to happen no matter what I did. Somehow she had held in her energy in our first few lessons together, but that was about all she could muster. She realized I’m friendly and so she was “ready to roll”.
Instead of fighting this need of hers, I instead worked with it and ensured that I included several off-the-bench activities and games during the lesson. If we were concentrating on rhythm in her piece, I pulled out a rhythm game and headed over to my games table. If this was abused, then she was told that we won’t be using that item again until she can show me she can use it properly. It worked. Quickly.
4. Reward what you want to encourage. Kids like this piano student are used to hearing “no” and “don’t”… so much so that I think they stop hearing it, but boy do her ears perk up when I tell her she’s done something well.
I continue to make a point of finding 3 things per lesson that she’s doing well and I immediately praise her for it (“Wow! You waited until I had finished playing that section before telling me about your hamster. Thank you for being considerate.” or “Did you notice how still your body was while you were playing? This meant that I could really hear your dynamics and it was beautiful!”) Rewarding what you want to encourage tends to amplify good behavior as kids really do aim to please.
5. Ask her to reflect. I wanted to communicate to her parents in some way that we were working not only on piano but also on lesson behavior expectations. On her lesson sheet, we have numbers 1 through 4. 1 means she didn’t really try to improve her behavior. 4 means she was working really hard to meet my expectations. However, I’m not the one who circles the number… she is. This then requires her to reflect on her own behavior. Sure, we went for a few weeks where she cheekily circled a 4 every time, butt she quickly got the hang of “rating” her own behavior and she’s usually honest with herself now which is having more of an impact than me being the one to do so.
The Honeymoon Will Always End… But Keep the Fun Alive
It’s always our first instinct to take away anything that could cause an issue in lessons with students like this. Bring out a piano game for him…. are you crazy?!
But in my years of experience with “busy” kids, I’ve found that having clear expectations and providing the chance for them to rise to those expectations will eventually result in a lot of success.
Clamping down and removing these chances results in a lack of feelings of success and pride… and therefore even more behavioral issues. So when the honeymoon is clearly over, resist the urge to settle into ho-hum routines for the sake of “safety”. Instead, follow the 5 tips above, keep the fun alive and give your students the chance to learn to be the students you know they can be.
Want to engage your piano students with a method book that takes away frustration? Check out our WunderKeys Primer Method Books! They’ve been carefully designed to boost your students’ confidence while providing you with the off-bench experiences children need and the on-page learning that needs to happen. Find out more at www.wunderkeys.com.
Arleen says
Loved the visual schedule! Thanks
Heidi says
Great tips! Squirrely kiddos can be a real challenge and empowering them to rate themselves is a fantastic idea. Thank you!
Sandra says
I just don’t know how it is possible to include “several off the bench activities and games” in a 30 min lessons and still get much done in the way of repertoire, etc. …But perhaps this child is an extreme example (?)
Andrea says
Hi Sandra – I used to think the same thing, but I’ve found that whenever I would normally “orally teach” a concept to a busy child, you can get better results by actively involving the child off the bench. For example – if you’re teaching quarter notes vs. eighth notes, instead of verbally explaining this concept, I have the child up and off the bench either moving, drumming etc. They learn the concept faster – which means there is then “more” lesson time. You can verbally explain something over and over again and if you’ve lost the child’s focus then you’re going to eventually end up wasting time in repeating yourself. By engaging them actively then you save time in the long run and end up covering more.
Maggie says
I have some new students I can really use this approach with. When they come from other teachers, it takes a few lessons for us to get to know each other, so this is helpful advice. Thanks Andrea.
Andrea says
Wonderful Maggie! Yes, transfer students always take a little bit to figure out. Have you read our transfer students post? It’s specific to this “getting to know you” phase – https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2012/04/19/how-to-teach-transfer-piano-students-with-a-little-help-from-hammerstein-its-qa-day/
Michele Tamtom says
Thank you. LOL…You’ve been reading my posts haven’t you? YOU KNOW i’ve been having issues in this area! Thank you for addressing this subject.
Andrea says
Hi Michele – actually I haven’t! But i’m so glad it came an an opportune time for you 😉
Julie says
good techniques for all students, just not “that” student. I always try to make sure. To tell the student what they have done well. This year has gone pretty well, but I have had some doozies in the past! Have to keep these in mind!
Loni says
I needed this! You are the best!
Andrea says
So glad Loni! I hope it helps 🙂
Fiona says
I have one student who barely draws breath between stories – she’s already mid-sentence when I open the door to let her in! Thankfully I find that once she’s gotten those stories off her chest she will settle down a lot and mostly listen to my instruction. It’s frustrating though, to have a bright student who wastes so much of her own time! I think I need to remember your 4th point – reward what you want to encourage! Thanks for this good post.
Andrea says
Hi Fiona – yes I’ve had many, many of these chatty ones over the years. Have you read our “How to Teach Piano To Chatty Cathy” post? The link is below and it’s more specific to these chatty students and might help! https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2012/04/09/how-to-teach-piano-to-chatty-cathy/
Edna says
Kids who steam roller talk can greatly benefit from this approach. It takes time that you would rather spend on direct learning, but the time is well spent. Often channeling that energy little by little yields surprising results. Even if there is not incredible progress, every chance to learn how to focus and follow through is important.
Lauren says
Great article and a good reference for teaching children with special needs.
I have had a lot of success using visual schedules and off bench activities to keep my “busy” students engaged. It takes more effort and preparation but is worth it to help students experience success and develop life long behaviour self regulation skills.
Andrea G says
Can you give more explanation about what you mean by a “visual schedule” for the lesson? I’m intrigued by this and am not sure I understand what you are talking about. Thanks.
Andrea says
Hi Andrea! Yes, absolutely. I have some cards made up with the different “parts” of a lesson displayed. These cards are on my white board and I can re-arrange the order as needed (magnetic tape). You can print my set of cards if you are a subscriber. To subscribe you can click the big red box on our homepage. If you already subscribe and you’d like the link again then just email me!
Kathleen Kasdorf says
Hi Andrea,
I’m wondering how old this child is? I have a 5 year old student who is very challenging to keep on task.
Andrea says
Hi Kathleen – she’s 8. For your 5 year old these posts might help too – https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2013/09/10/how-to-teach-piano-to-wiggly-walter-off-bench-activities-for-kids-who-cant-sit-still/ AND https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2012/04/23/how-to-teach-piano-to-anthony-ants-in-his-pants/ AND https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2013/03/04/how-to-teach-piano-in-84-seconds/
Mary Kline says
Sounds like the exact same thing that happens during the first few days of school, for those of you who like me are former school music teachers. Boundaries, yeah, right away, yeah!!! Thank you so much for a very helpful post.
Amy Hall says
I have spent a whole year fighting with my youngest daughter(age 6) at the piano – she is such a wiggly worm and so easily distracted. She will come up with any excuse to NOT do her piano! Gonna have to try out some of these on her.
Andrea says
Best of luck Amy! 🙂