Last year our daughter, Lexi, started participating in figure skating competitions. Before her first competition her coach required her to write down her goals, as well as her steps for achieving her goals. It was a great exercise.
But as we worked through this exercise together, our conversation went a bit like this.
Me: “What goals would you like to work towards? What do you need to improve upon?”
Lexi: “I’m pretty good at everything.”
Me: “But what would you like to do even better?”
Lexi: “I don’t know… what do you think I don’t do very well?”
Me:.… awkward silence… and then realizing I feel very weird about pointing out her weaknesses… realizing I act the same way with my piano students… realizing that these realizations are a “piano teaching moment”… forgetting all about figure skating…
Lexi: “Mom?!”
Afraid To Point Out The Negatives…
My conversation with Lexi was a real eye-opener. I have always been uber-conscious of the self-esteem of children, of boosting their confidence at every moment, and of focusing on their strengths. And while I recognized long ago that addressing weaknesses was also part of the job, that darn “Rah Rah Positivity” of mine keeps on taking over 🙂
During my conversation with Lexi, I realized that once again my confidence boosting “Yay for being you!” ways were doing my students a bit of a disservice. Each time I downplayed their weaknesses and instead only focused on their strengths I was robbing them of an opportunity to self-reflect and improve.
Clearly I had to find a balance between being “real” and being “kind”.
So, I Stopped Being Scared and Started…
1. Asking my students to self-reflect before I offered any feedback – Instead of immediately chiming in with positive feedback once my students had played something, I instead simply said “How did that feel?” Yes, sometimes I got “Fine.” as a response, but most of the time I received some great feedback; my students would say things like “I’m still having trouble in that measure” or “I can’t get the left hand rhythm here.” or “It was pretty good, but I didn’t like how this part sounded.”
This was ideal. Because my students were the ones starting the conversation we could immediately leap into what needed fixing. I could still offer words of encouragement and praise as we worked through their weaknesses, but because they were identified by the student and not me, neither of us felt even a hint of negativity.
2. Phrasing my suggestions creatively – While I wanted to avoid “hollow praise”, I also wanted to avoid immediately pouncing on what needed work without offering some encouragement.
By phrasing my suggestions creatively I was able to preserve their self-esteem, without ignoring struggles that needed some attention. Using phrases such as “Now, I know you, and I know you’ll be able to fix this immediately…” before offering my suggestions worked wonders. It empowered my students to accept the challenge, but it didn’t gloss over the fact that there were actually some things that needed work.
This has been a powerful change in my piano lessons. Now, in addition to praising what my students are doing correctly, I am also praising their ability to persevere.
3. Learning that it’s okay – I am (still!) learning that it’s actually okay sometimes to simply point out what isn’t correct. I have worked hard to build an environment of trust and respect in my studio; my students know without a doubt that I care about them. I don’t need to always sugar-coat my feedback… they know that it’s coming from a place of wanting to help them achieve.
If I address their struggles with a smile, with helpful suggestions, and with a celebration waiting in the wings, then I’ve actually strengthened our working relationship, not compromised it.
Don’t Worry… You’re Still Fabulous!
None of this is to say that I have given up on moments that are full of praise and kudos and celebration and “Wow, you amaze me!”. Children are young for such a small amount of time and it’s my personal goal to fill these fleeting years with as much joy and compassion and long-lasting good memories as possible. But I’m discovering that these warm fuzzies don’t need to happen at the expense of their musical growth.
…As for Lexi? We had a great discussion about her skating. Yes, you have worked hard and mastered several skills. But how about those left leg spirals? And weren’t you having an issue with your waltz jump? I know with a bit of work you’d have that mastered.
She took my suggestions and went straight to work. Was she devastated by my observations? No. Did she come off the ice with an undeniable sense of accomplishment when she nailed something that was previously challenging? Yes.
Lesson learned.
One of the ways I like to encourage my students to work on technique that needs attention is through our popular technical exercise book TEDDtales (Technical Exercises, Dramatically Different). Using a story-based approach to technical work means your students are motivated and excited about perfecting their technique. It’s a win-win!
September says
This has always been a hard one for me too. I’ve worked through it and come to a balance between the positive and the negative for the most part but occasionally still have those students that seem to not be able to hear their own mistakes and don’t believe they have much to fix. When I ask them how they felt about their song, after what I consider to be a trainwreck, they say “yeah, I think it was great!” That is harder for me because that’s a bigger bubble to pop and I don’t want to be popping anyone’s bubbles.
Andrea says
It’s so true September – I still tread lightly, but with these new ways of approaching corrections I do feel less like I’m popping their bubble and more like I’m giving them real-life tools for learning to improve. Thanks for commenting!
Susan says
I also sometimes say ‘That was good, what can we do to make it amazing?’
I like to use self reflection as it teaches them how to listen critically. I like to involve my students in planning how to improve (how to practice) from very early days.
If students are wary of things being ‘wrong’ it can help to make mistakes yourself as this makes it a safer place for things not to be perfect.
Andrea says
I love that Susan – what can we do to make it amazing… I’m going to try that one 🙂
Deb says
I absolutely LOVE the Tedd Tales and am using it for the first time this year with several of my students. They are doing great with it. They aren’t pages and pages of technique each week just enough that they are enjoying them and feeling a sense of accomplishment. Thank you for all you do. I have taught for many years and wish I had your resources long ago. I believe my philosophy is the same as yours – I want my students to LOVE music, whether they continue with the piano or move on to another instrument. Thank you so much for these tips on how to approach them when something needs correcting.
Andrea says
Hi Deb – so happy to hear that TEDDtales is well-loved in your studio 🙂 We’re thrilled to hear it.
Thanks so much for your kind words as well.
Brecklyn says
I actually have the opposite problem, I want to jump right in and fix everything. I think waiting for my students to do some self-reflection could help them a lot!
Andrea says
Hi Brecklyn – it’s always hard to find a balance isn’t it?! I’ve found that self-reflection solves both issues – if it comes from the student they are less likely to feel as though they’ve done something wrong… but they are aware that something needs correction. Thanks for your comment!
Catherine says
I find it is sometime difficult for parents to hear teachers and coaches tell children offer constructive criticism, as well. I think the father of my students is finally figuring out that I’m not crushing his little girl; she and I have a good relationship and I want we to be the best she can be in her own competitive style. Also, I need the mom of the entertainer to realize that not everyone wants to be a virtuoso, and that if they did, we would have so many genres of music, drama, and other forms of creative entertainment. It takes all types; it’s my job to help shape the student into the pianist try want to be while teaching them what they need to know to reach their goals, even if they can’t atticulate then from the start.
Andrea says
Wonderful points Catherine – every single one. Thanks so much for sharing your insights!
Milla says
I have a transfer student whose previous teacher assigned him pieces well beyond his level, and he butchered them badly. But because he was playing them, he feels like a big shot and does not notice any deficiencies in his performance. I’m itching to burst that bubble, but have to find a productive way to do that, so he wouldn’t hate me. He still talks very fondly about his previous teacher – she stopped teaching because of the family problems. Any advice?
natalie whittington says
what about starting him in something totally new, that doesn’t appear like a traditional “method book”, and is less likely for him to “label” as a certain level? —like the Fearless Fortissimo series for boys which comes in various levels or even some great sheet music. That way you can start him afresh in a more appropriate level without him even noticing. Being a military wife, I often have military students who have transferred teachers sometimes more than once. If they “loved” their previous teacher, I try to ask what exactly they loved so much…that gives me insight into what speaks to them and how they learn best. I use that knowledge to help me achieve my goals.
Julia Andrews says
Milla, I have experienced similar issues and thank you for asking the question because Natalie’s answer was so helpful to hear. Natalie, I’m in the same position as you as a military wife who inherits and parts with pupils more often than I’d like – it seems so obvious when you say it, but I think I’d always been somewhat reticent about asking too much about previous teachers and their methods/habits/strengths (really not sure why – maybe I didn’t want to sound nosey or critical, or more likely I was insecure about not matching up!?).
Trish says
I find that so often the kids are paying attention to so many details when they are playing, that they don’t hear themselves very well. I’ve started recording them on the phone, so they have a chance to listen and assess themselves-they are usually surprised-“I thought I had that rhythm down”, my tempo is all over the place,etc…very good for tuning them in.
Britanne says
Recording! Good idea!
Andrea says
Hi Trish! Yes! Recording is SUCH a good way for kids who truly do believe that everything was perfect to see the “reality”. We actually video taped our daughter skating the other day and it made such a difference the following lesson – this sort of self-awareness is so valuable. I use video all the time (gotta love having iPhones so readily available now!) Thanks for sharing!
Linda says
I love this conversation. I usually say good things and then what needs improving. I have no problem pointing out what needs fixing. But, I like what my violin teacher is saying to me. She says, “Start playing until there is something you can’t play.” Then she tells me how to fix it. After working out the kinks, I can play it. Works wonders for me. Really boosting my confidence because once I can play it, I feel good about playing the piece.
Andrea says
Great tips Linda! Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
Beth Yantz says
Yes, great comments! Here’s my favorite for
k when a student confidently plays something blatantly wrong, believing it to be brilliant : “wow, I really enjoyed how confidently you played that! It was very (Insert truthful ovservation) and well prepared. I can tell you put a lot of effort into it. Now, I wonder what it might sound like if you keep the confident (positive observation you made earlier) and add this (point in music to explain what can be improved) when you do it next. Would you try that?” I have NEVER had a student turn down the opprtunity to experiment and most of the time they observe and correct what needs to change without my input. I offer technique tips as needed to “make it easier” and the student wins!
Andrea says
This is GREAT wording Beth – I really like your take on it. The invitation to experiment is a great way to introduce improvements 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
Vicki Carr says
I hear the character from Disney’s “Insided Out”, JOY, every time my 4-yr-old grand girl plays with the app. If the game has not gone well, she exuberantly cries, “YAY! We get to do that one again!” I have begun mimicking this in lessons, followed by, “where can we make it better?” The students know, generally, exactly where it all went wrong.
Britanne says
This is refreshing! I’ve been coming to this website a lot for good tips, but I always felt I needed to be wary of the way of hyper-encouragement it can seem to advocate. I am a bit more like some in the comments section, just naturally wanting to dive in and fix and work and improve and perfect, so the articles on this site also serve as a good reminder for me to take time to encourage and be positive. But in the back of my mind I knew I need to find a balance because, as said, it is a disservice to a student’s musical growth to pretend they need no corrections. I’ve already begun to phrase things creatively, especially for some of my students who are easily discouraged. But I also really like the idea of asking them to self-reflect first! I want to do this more. Especially for my students preparing for exams, I think this is important to teach them to teach themselves (isn’t that the goal of all teaching…that they wouldn’t leave depending on us but that they would develop a musical ear and mind that can discern what needs improvement and correction?) I think asking them to self-reflect before I say anything will help them be more attuned to how they are actually doing; all that in a positive, constructive way!
This was helpful to organize my recent thoughts and to help me develop my ways of thinking about teaching.
Thanks!
Andrea says
Glad it was helpful Britanne – thanks for reading!
Milla says
Thank you so much for great insights! My transfer students told me that he loved his teacher because she let him play pieces by serious classical composers and they were harder than that pieces of other students. That made him proud. He is in the beginning of Faber Level 2a, and he played an arrangement of Beethoven 5th Symhony for Level 4 and an arrangement of “Phantom of the Opera” Level 4 also. Hand position awful, fingering is atrocious, omitted notes, no dynamics – but playing it, that what counts, not quality.
Louise says
Send the student home as prepared as possible with a new piece, so they practice errors, etc as little as possible.
What I do is phrase my conversation with the student about the negatives from the view point int of the listener. For example, if a performance romance has no dynamics, I might say louds and some make it more interesting to the listener. Or if there is not a steady rhythm, you could say without a steady rhythm the audience will not know where you are in the piece. Its more enjoyable to them if they can following your beat. You can always frame a suggestion for improvement in terms of what the audiences experience would be. This takes some of concern of being mean or critical off of the teacher.
Andrea says
This is also a great take Louise – giving a reason behind the need to make improvements rather than “just because”. Thanks for sharing!
Louise says
Sorry about the grammar in that second sentence. It should read: if a performance has no dynamics, I might say louds and softs make it more interesting to the listener.
Sarah says
Great question to throw out there, Andrea. The most memorable experiences in my 20 years of piano lessons were the ones where my teacher put in a clear but kind way that I was missing the mark. I learned as time went on that they were almost always right and that I was capable of more than I ever thought possible. In that way, they gained my trust that I could listen to them and follow their advice. It’s all a matter of delivery. Thank you for sharing your life and musical thoughts – it is always appreciated.
Andrea says
Glad you found it helpful Sarah – and thanks for sharing your own memories as a piano student!
Cadence says
Nice one and well explained the conversation between the teacher and student
Ange says
I love all the wonderful suggestions here!
I too use the “How did you feel?” after playing a piece. With my younger students (age 5-7), this sometimes gets taken the wrong way as though I’m asking them how they’re feeling emotionally, and may sometimes get them rambling about something exciting that happened during the week (e.g. birthday party, pizza day at school, etc). In order to deal with that, I’ll then ask what they felt was the hardest part of the piece, and the easiest part of the piece. We then go back to the harder bars or sections, and take it apart slowly to fix up the kinks before attempting the whole piece again.
With my slightly older students (age 8-14), the questions still help, but they often know whether they played a particular piece well or not. Sometimes, it’s just a bad take and I’ll say, “I think you and I both know that I’ve heard you play this better last time/last week. *student nods* Shall we try it again?”. Other times, it’s simply a matter of them not practicing that piece as much that week, in which case I’ll point out a few things to focus on, get them to try out the corrections quickly, and then move on to the next piece. I figure there isn’t much point spending lots of time on a piece that they haven’t worked on much during the week.