As most of you know, I’m the “happy conductor” of the piano practice train. I spend a good deal of my life (okay… way too much) composing music that makes students want to practice, creating games that make it easier for them to practice, and finding materials that teach them how to practice… phew!
So when one of my sweet, young piano students didn’t touch her piano for two whole weeks, my ego was a bit bruised. This never happens… what have I done!?
The piano teacher in me took over first. I did an overhaul of her repertoire, I re-organized her binder to remove any distractions, I set up a practice plan, I sent her home with some fun practice activities, and I boosted her confidence as high as I could. She bounced out the door with promises to practice.
But it didn’t happen. For a third week in a row she looked at me sheepishly and made an excuse about how busy she had been. Clearly something was up.
If you’re nodding and thinking “That sounds just like <insert student name>” then today’s post could be your solution.
The Piano Practice Reminder That I Needed
At this point, my “mom’s intuition” (which is almost never wrong) finally stepped in. After her lesson I texted her mom; not with the typical “I’ve asked Anna to practice more this week… can you help her to make sure this happens?”, but with a simple “I’ve noticed Anna is not quite herself – how are things going at home and school?”
A text popped back immediately with an outpouring of how Anna was being bullied at school and of her resulting anxiety, of missed days of school, and a reluctance to do anything but curl up in her mom’s arms and cry.
This was a different kind of piano practice reminder. Not a reminder that I send to my parents and their students, but a piano practice reminder that I myself needed.
Teaching Piano Lessons… When Piano Practice Can’t Happen
This was the nudge I needed to remind me that no matter how exciting my lessons are, how motivating my materials may be, and how enthusiastically I send my students out the studio door… sometimes, life just gets in the way.
We will all have piano students who go through difficult times in their lives. Students will experience loss, fight with their best friends, change schools, and have parents who divorce. The list is (unfortunately) long and comes with disruptions to their ability and desire to practice the piano at home.
However, as a “constant” in their lives; and as a caring adult who spends one-on-one time with them every week, you can have a positive impact at a time when piano lessons are not about practicing the piano, but rather finding solace in music.
The next time you have a piano student who needs a break from practice due to difficult life circumstances, follow this 5-point plan to get them back on track:
- Remove practice expectations both visually and mentally: Allow your students to breathe a sigh of relief as you verbally acknowledge that you understand home practice is difficult at the moment. Then, physically remove any sort of practice chart or log that you may use. The stress of disappointing a favorite adult in their lives is one more layer of emotion that your piano students don’t need. I like to simply say, “If you want to play at home, that’s wonderful, and I’ll leave it up to you to tell me if you were able to.”
- Set your student up for immediate success: If home practice can’t happen, then your students need to be playing music that is immediately accessible. Stressed brains don’t process information as easily as “happy brains”, so it’s important to set your students up for success with carefully-chosen repertoire that is fun, enjoyable, and reasonably easy. Incorporate rote teaching into your lessons, seek-out music that is “one level down” from your students’ current levels, and provide plenty of guidance as they learn to play new pieces. If pieces become “stalled”, move on and find something new.
- Re-structure your lessons to focus on happy music-making: Now more than ever your piano students need to discover that music can be a happy escape. Instead of focusing on progress, spend enjoyable time on the bench playing duets, and exploring improv together. Listen to beautiful recordings and discuss the composers. Re-visit previously completed, favorite pieces. Play piano games and have a good laugh. Slow down and simply enjoy making and learning about music.
- Provide an opportunity for creativity: Young children won’t immediately turn to writing music to soothe their souls in a stereotypical fashion, but composing can be a welcome outlet and a chance to create music that is both accessible and enjoyable. Teach your students to create simple “ABA” format pieces with a repeating motive or theme, a simple left-hand accompaniment, and a catchy title that makes them proud.
- Gradually return to normalcy: You’ll be able to tell when your piano students have “turned a corner”; when home life has settled, when routines are back in place, and when they are once again ready for a challenge. Make the return to normalcy gradual. Take your time reintroducing practice expectations and adding more difficult repertoire. It may take a week or it may take a month… but the time you spend gently guiding them over difficult hurdles is important, valuable, and meaningful.
What’s Your Advice?
If you add all of our readers’ years of teaching together… you get thousands of years of piano teaching experience! So, do you have advice for teachers who have piano students who are experiencing exceptional challenges? Share your advice and experience below. As a community of knowledgeable, caring, and creative teachers your words will make a difference!
ML Brinkman says
You’ve hit the nail on the head with all 5 of these. When life throws a curve ball, piano lessons can be a point of normalcy where the child can temporarily pretend that everything is okay again. I’ve been on both sides of that situation, as a student and as a teacher. It’s crucial for the child to experience success in every lesson, regardless of what happens outside the lesson. Like you said, rote teaching and improv are great avenues to promote immediate success. I’d also add be willing to listen to the student if the student wants to talk about the problem – but don’t push. As much as possible, maintain open lines of communication with the parents. Do so from a “I care about your child” standpoint, not from a “your child isn’t practicing” standpoint, like the text message that you sent. Depending on the situation, by providing a point of normalcy for the child, by extension you are providing emotional support for the parent.
Andrea says
Thanks for adding your thoughts, Mary. Yes, open communication is important as is your reminder to “not push”. Kids will share if they want to, but often they simply need a place to “not think about it” and that’s okay too.
Leslie Kimble says
this was such an encouraging blog post to read! thank you for being so inspiring to us fellow piano teachers!
Andrea says
Thanks so much for your kind words, Leslie!
Natalie says
I like turning to all your great composing prompts. Composing (as you know) is a great way to process and let out emotions when difficulty strikes. Also, what about taking time to just listen, enjoy and analyze/discuss some great pieces from those awesome composer trading cards. Listening to music just for the sake of it’s beauty—-that makes me happy even when life is already great!
Andrea says
Hi Natalie – it’s true! Sometimes just enjoying learning about music through listening is a good idea too and yes, it can provide a happy escape too. Thanks for commenting!
Benita says
Great read for today! I have a few students going through tough life stuff right now and its affecting their home practice time.
Andrea says
Hi Benita – hope it helps! We will all experience this at some point and it’s nice to have a “plan” to follow 🙂
cheryl says
Andrea,
I so appreciate that you have addressed this situation… I had a wake up call for this about 20 years ago with one of my best students (6th grade). Her mother was found deceased in a car from an allergic reaction. The next day I expected the lesson to be cancelled; however the family said the child was adamant to come to her lesson. She came in and sat down, I sat down beside her and put my arm around her. We sat for 20 minutes, wordless. Then she went to the piano and played…beautifully… She came a week later and played in recital…beautifully.(lots of tears from this teacher)
I will never forget that experience. Wish I could say that was the only time something like this happened. 10 years later, it happened with another student(4th grade) who lost his mom suddenly. He came to his lessons. We did very little during the following months, except play the pieces he had enjoyed playing for his mom . We talked when he needed to talk and played when he was ready. Several months later he played in the recital. (more tears)
This year I have a student (4th grade) with positive life changes but he is overwhelmed by it all. We are 2 weeks out from recital and he has missed the last 3 lessons, not his fault. Yesterday, we did “cut/paste” to one piece and changed out another for a simpler piece that has a great teacher duet ! We are both excited and I can see that the weight has lifted from his little shoulders. His smile made my day !
Andrea says
Hi Cheryl – this gave me tears. I’ve had several piano students who lost their parents and yes, three were lots of tears after lessons for me too. These little beings that we nurture along mean so much to us… and no child should have to deal with this kind of sadness. My comfort came from the fact that I provided an escape for them during time that their parents were very ill – a smiling, happy, caring escape in a time when there were not many smiles at home. After they lost their parents I was a consistent adult who understood their anger and frustration and their need for music without expectations. It’s a gift we can give to our students, but it is difficult on us too! It’s nice to have friends and family who can help you “decompress” after you go through these emotional events with your students.
Bella says
Cheryl this made me cry in the middle of a coffee shop. Its so wonderful you were able to be there for your students like this!!!
Susan says
Your post spoke directly to me. So I need to share the story that just happened in my studio this month.
Piano teachers wear many hats whether they want to or not. Piano teachers teaching one on one for 30 minutes-hour lesson have the chance that most Academic teachers don’t have.
My 13-year-old in this story has always been a acquisitive, energetic, intelligent learner. But in the last two months a slow withdrawal from music . In fact out of the clear blue, I was told that music was no longer interesting. I quickly revamped the lesson and pursued music that might spark and ignite the fire that was almost out. But even these changes were not helping. It was clear there was no practice going on, excuses made, promises made that were never followed through. I worked so hard, grew frustrated at every lesson and resided to the fact that this was becoming a lost cause.
*this portion of the comment was edited by admin to protect confidentiality*
My lessons with this teen now are filled with compassion of a different kind. Through music he will have solace. Andrea, you are right about going in different direction. I immediately took away curriculum work. I went down to an easy level and started improvise as a way to communicate. A good feeling with the freedom of easy duets. I pulled out your “never give up” and “breathe” As a place to start.
The long story is you never know what your students are carrying inside their hearts, how fragile they are in their teen years. A definite eye-opener for me as a teacher, and it changed me in so many ways. A real reality check for sure. Thank you for this opportunity to share.
Andrea says
Thanks so much for sharing, Susan! Your story is sad and yet hopeful – I’m so thankful that your student has you in his life! What a gift you are giving to him in so many different ways <3
Mary says
So very helpful. Thanks Andrea! I’m bawling as I think how this knowledge could help students in time of crisis hold on to music. Has anyone heard the song, “What Would I Do Without My Music?” https://youtu.be/Szngfin_s2U
Barbara says
Thanks for this link, Mary. I had not heard of this song. It is beautiful AND it has piano it in:) My students definitely need to hear this!
Lori says
This article should be framed and looked at dailey! In 45 years of teaching, I’ve seen this scenario with students happen over and over again. It breaks your heart to see your students go through the hard trials of life, whether it’s divorce, death of of a loved one or not making the team or being asked to prom.
I have a “candy” closet in my studio that has an open bag of Hershey’s kisses in it. Sometimes when there are tears at a lesson we get to have a “chocolate” lesson (which really does help with endorphins) and when we are ready we try a new duet. I’ve have many students learn to trust me with their confidences and hardships. When they trust you, they will allow you to teach them.
Bravo on the article!
Andrea says
Love your caring approach, Lori! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences 🙂
Estelle says
I heartily agree with your philosophy. Thank you for writing about it and bringing it up. I have also known children find it hard to practice for more general and less dramatic reasons. They so need a teacher who is not going to blame them when it is not their fault and in fact who is able to see that it is not any person’s ‘fault’, just ‘LIFE’!
Andrea says
It’s true, Estelle – sometimes life just happens and, as a young child, it’s often for reasons beyond their control. Some home environments make it really difficult for a child to practice and sometimes a lack of family routines can cause weeks to go by when the support just isn’t there. These kids also need love and support from us in their lesson time. Thanks for mentioning this, Estelle!
Jennifer Foxx says
Loved waking up to this post this morning. Everything is spot on (as usual) and a wonderful reminder that sometimes piano practice needs to take a back seat and that is okay. 🙂
Sheila says
Terrific advise!!
Olivia says
This was a great article and a good reminder. Sadly, several of my students have been thrown into this boat. It is a good reminder that we need to be the positive encouragement and steady adult in their life when their world is shifting.
I like the idea of giving readily accessible music to the kids so they don’t have to try so hard and can just breathe and make a little music.
Andrea says
Thanks for commenting, Olivia!
Julie Duda says
Thank you for your words of wisdom and very timely article. I have several families in my studio right now that are going through very difficult times …..newly separated parents, ( piano books got left in the shuffle of new custody arrangements ), a mother of two teenage girls with severe depression, ( I had to reschedule their lesson time so dad could bring them ) A family that had to move out of town for one year for reasons that I still don’t know ..so I did all my student’s lesson FaceTime for a year. … and like others, the list goes on . We as teachers must be flexible and be willing to go off “our policies” a bit to show humanity and love to these families.
Robin Steinweg says
what a kind way to remind us all that we teach students, not music! 😉
Andrea says
Thanks so much, Robin! Glad you found it to be a “good read” 🙂
Jennifer says
Great insight. I seem to have more problems with the parents encouraging their kids to practice at home. One student this week told me her keyboard was in the closet all week. That makes me sad because obviously mom is disengaged. How do you get the parents on board!?!??!
Teresa says
Jennifer, I have learned to ask parents what their goals are for lessons. My “home practicing” expectations have been different from what some parents have decided is important for their child and the exposure they wish for them. It has been a personal lesson learned and I feel privileged to be involved in their music learning and experiences.
Andrea says
Hi Jennifer! Oh we have blogged about this SO MUCH! Here’s a few links to get you started 🙂
https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2014/03/20/your-guide-to-invested-involved-and-inspired-piano-parents/
https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2017/01/30/what-to-say-to-parents-when-children-arent-practicing-piano-at-home/
https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2014/09/09/your-not-so-musical-piano-parents-need-this-piano-practice-cheat-sheet/
https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2013/10/14/5-ways-to-bond-with-piano-studio-parents-and-why-you-should/
https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2014/04/16/5-things-parents-should-know-after-every-piano-lesson-3-is-too-often-forgotten/
https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2016/07/27/with-these-piano-parent-stickers-home-practice-is-sure-to-improve/
https://www.teachpianotoday.com/2016/07/27/with-these-piano-parent-stickers-home-practice-is-sure-to-improve/
Jules says
I “fell over” this post on FB and am so glad I did. I am not a teacher, but an adult student. Practice has been difficult for a while – changes in life status seem to have derailed me (although there is no logical reason for that). My own approach of telling myself what to do it not working! Let’s see if following your 5 steps helps me get back on track 🙂
Andrea says
Hi Jules – glad you found us and hope this blog post helps 🙂 Life tends to derail adult practice more often than children – it’s a difficult thing to keep consistent, but it’s so rewarding if you are able to 🙂 Best of luck!
Linda Hyland says
It looks like you have “struck a chord” with so many teachers! I have many teen students and they are nearly like my own children because I’ve had them for many years. Aside from anything traumatic, this age student has so much going on all the time. So much emotional “stuff” and teachers/parents/coaches/friends pulling them in all directions when they are now supposed to be gradually taking their lives into their own hands. I’ve had to pull back in general for a good amount of them, but they still want to play piano and take lessons. Yes, I’ve lost some, but what you are saying is to be aware of what’s really happening in their “other life” and make music something to aid in the healing or soothing. You are SO right and I thank you for the reminder that this is a good thing to do! 🙂
Andrea says
It’s such a good reminder of how this profession attracts such caring, kind people isn’t it, Linda! So many teachers feel for their students – it’s really nice to read all these caring comments 🙂 Thanks for reading!
Amy Franklin says
I took a long break from teaching due to my own troubled life experiences, but I definitely learned that being able to freely express emotions through just simply playing notes, is therapeutic. Not to compose, necessarily, or even to have the music “make sense”, but just the progression of emotions that you’re going through. I accidentally composed a beautiful song just by doing that. I think that students going through tough life situations should feel free to just express themselves this way, not with structure, just by instinct, so that they can learn to move on with their lives.
Amber says
This is a beautiful post! Thank you so much.
Jenna says
I experienced this with a young student whose mother passed away quite unexpectedly last year. She insisted on coming to lessons and still played at the recital, where her grandparents thanked me for teaching her. It was a humbling moment, to realize I could serve in such a simple capacity. Just being a constant, unchanging, welcoming present. Very humbling.
Pianos Baratos says
Gracias por compartir. Me ha gustado mucho este post!
Bonnie says
The past 2 years my young girl student has loved to come to lessons, but unprepared. She’s been so worried about her mother’s precarious health. She has brought stuffed animals and pictures on her tablet as we talk about the things that make her life happy, then we sneak in a little piano playing by her and by me. I’ve felt more like a music therapist than a piano teacher and her parents are pleased. They love their daughter and want her to keep having her own “happy place”, mingled with song. What an amazing profession.
Bella says
Amazing indeed! ❤
Bella says
Thank you for this reminder!! I’ve been teaching for 12 years and I can’t hear this advice often enough.
jennifer says
Hi,
It is so true that life and feelings just get in the way of getting things done, including piano practice .Nowadays,even the younger students have trouble fitting everything in generally.The expectations are always growing as they get older too.Even when they are only 11 or 12, children seem to have so much to do.
It is harder when the students are not in a happy place for them to feel motivated. I agree that with this scenario, it becomes all about making music in a happy way, rather than trying to develop their skills.
I always try to inject a lot of fun into lessons and I think it is important to be supportive.But it always happens that in order to develop skills it seems to require a certain amount of effort.It can be an excellent way to take their mind off their issues.
As teachers we often need reminding that the student”s happiness is more important than other things.Thanks for sharing your thoughts.