Trevor and his family ran in a 20K trail race relay on the weekend. 480 runners of all ages showed up to slog through the mud and arrive at the finish line completely drenched… and foaming at the mouth with exertion. I love the atmosphere at a race. There’s something about this display of the human spirit that inspires me.
But apparently the feeling wasn’t quite shared by all.
I specialize in people watching… and I couldn’t help but overhear a mother and father watching their son run the 3rd leg of the relay. “Way to go honey! You’re doing so well! Look at you go!” His mom shrieked across the lake. “Don’t say that until you see his finish time.” Dad shrugged his shoulders, keeping his eye on the time clock. “He’s not going to make it under 24 minutes.”
And it reminded me of my piano students and the differences in parenting styles I see each week. I like to separate them into two categories:
You are the Most Fabulous Child I’ve Ever Set Eyes On
This parenting style is undyingly positive. Their child is the apple of their eye. They would never dream of offering anything but praise. Constructive criticism is viewed as damaging to self-esteem. No matter if their child shows true effort or not, they are amazed at absolutely anything their child does. They believe that with enough praise their child will feel supported and reach levels of achievement as a result of having a strong and positive self-image.
If You’d Just Try Harder You Could Accomplish So Much More
These parents are proud of their child’s capabilities, but place heavy importance on effort and commitment. When their child does achieve they lay on the praise, but this praise needs to be earned. They believe that too much “undeserved” praise means that their child’s effort will decrease and praise that is given freely doesn’t mean as much.
Finding a Balance of Praise in Your Piano Studio
I’ve read discussions on how much praise is too much as a piano teacher. Do we glow about every little accomplishment, or does it mean more if you lay it on only when your piano student has achieved something great? Will your piano students’ effort decrease if they know you’ll be happy with any level of achievement? It’s an important thing to consider as it should guide your practices as a piano teacher.
I’ve thought about this a lot, both as a parent and as a piano teacher. And I can’t say I disagree with either side. Yes, I believe that building a high level of self-esteem in children is important. But I also believe that praise means more when the child knows they have worked hard for it. Kids know when you’re being genuine and they are really good at sniffing out a fake.
So what are we to do? My solution has been to find meaningful ways of recognizing my students. Instead of handing out oodles of “Yay’s!” at every turn instead spread your encouragement out in a way that gets noticed, is genuine, and is perfectly timed to make the most impact on your piano students’ level of motivation. Be creative in your recognition, but be prolific as well; children are young for a very short period of time. As quoted by Frederik Douglass “It is easier to to build strong children than to repair broken men”.
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My Mom’s favorite technique was to smile (genuinely) as say (with meaning), “That’s the best you’ve done.” I think this conveys improvement without being over-the-top!
What about lots of encouragement for the adult learners? As a restarter after a number of decades of not playing the piano, words of encouragement are important! Juggling practice with a full time job, 4 kids and tons of their out of school activities is challenging but I do manage to (mostly) 🙂
I think it really depends a lot on the student. Some students respond well to lots of praise, but others respond well to constructive criticism. Personally, I was the student who responded well to criticism. Even harsh criticism at times. My teacher ripping apart my pieces and literally telling me that I had TONS of work to do to get them exam ready inspired me to practice hard! I had another teacher while working on my ARCT who used the praise/positive approach and that didn’t work well for me at all. I wasn’t motivated to practice for her at all, because she always said my pieces were “good.”
As a teacher, I try different approaches with my students (without getting too over the top either way positive or negative ;). When I find what works, I stick with it :).
I’ve been with my piano teacher for 9 years since the age of 6. She is undoubtedly a perfectionist. Rather than point out the good parts in what I’m playing, she points out the errors and room for improvements. I hardly ever recieve compliments (I think the last one was a few weeks ago when she said that my sight-reading was “rather good”! 😀 )
However, this does not bother me. It makes me strive to improve and study the music in depth. Thanks to her I am patient when learning new pieces and I can spot possible improvements easily. Granted, she can be a bit harsh sometimes, but I would never ask for another teacher – she is brilliant!