When I was little I called all of my friends parents Mr. Friends-Dad or Mrs. Friends-Mom. Calling them by anything other than that was completely out of the question.
Now, even as an adult, when I bump into the parent of an old friend it feels very awkward to address them by their first name and I often find a clever way to avoid addressing them by anything at all.
These days it seems that, beyond public school teachers, the idea of calling someone Mr., Mrs. or Miss is an archaic thing of the past.
But should it be? Does this represent the erosion of respect for our elders?
I’m no parenting expert, and if I’m being honest, my own piano students even address me as “Andrea” but I don’t know if this is the best arrangement. It just sort of happened. Because I began my piano teaching career at such a young age and before I had children, the only person to have ever addressed me as “Mrs. Dow” was the minister on our wedding day. “Andrea”, therefore, was the default.
It’s difficult to change now, and I’m not sure I even want to. But if I were to change, what would I change to?… Miss Andrea, Mrs. Dow …And would it make any sort of difference?
What are your thoughts? What do your piano students call you?
Apart from when I taught piano in schools, when the students all called me Ms Bennet of course, my child students have always called me Fionagh. This also happened by default, as their parents actually called me Fionagh in their child’s presence. However, I’m not sure it matters that much, as respect is mutual, good behaviour expected, and I trust that each student, young or old, feels valued. So the important things are there, whatever my “handle”.
I’m always called Susan. I would HATE to be called Mrs Low. Way too formal for my liking!
Hi Andrea,
Most of my students call me Miss Denise but a few have parents who have instructed them to call me Miss Thompson. Either is fine with me. I don’t think I would be comfortable with them adredsing me as just Denise, other than my college age or adult students but that is probably because I am in my 50’s and so much older than them. Ultimately what is more important to me is the relationship between the two of us which attends to be more fun than formal!
I have gone with a variation – Ms. Christina – I use my first name instead of my last name.
Having taught in schools I am used to being called Mrs _____ and prefer to be called that than my first name by my younger students, but it doesn’t bother me too much. Since many of my students come from being in my yr 2 recorder class at school they still call me Mrs ________ without question. As a parent I liked my girls to call adults Mr and Mrs, but it gets hard as they get older and some adults don’t like it. My students all show respect, whatever they call me, which is what counts.
I’m a firm believer in respect–especially with my own children. My children address my friends as Mr or Mrs “first name”…acquaintances or colleagues by Mr or Mrs “last name”. With my piano students, from the very first lesson I introduce myself as Mrs. Melissa–respectful, but also a bit relaxed. With my older teens or adults, though, I insist they call me by my first name only. This has worked very well for me so far (10 yrs teaching) and I think it sets a boundary of respect. 🙂
I have taught piano since 1971, and for the most part, my students have called me Sam. Some of my students come from the local Montessori private school where the norm is first names for teachers. But it’s interesting to see how different parents approach this. I do have two families now who refer to me as Mr. Marion even in emails. As others have said, the most important part is the relationship of mutual respect. I have never insisted on one way or the other.
Agreed-it just depends on the family!
I think names vary by region. In the rural south EVERY child calls adults Mr. First Name or Mrs. First Name. In fact, when my daughter was 14 and helped teach a preschool class at church, the children called her Miss First Name. My piano students are used to addressing all adults this way. The only exception is their teachers at school who are addressed by their last names.
When I lived in New Jersey I became Mrs. B, since my last name was sometimes fractured by the younger ones. But Delaware has a habit of calling women Miss and their first name – so in Delaware I’m Miss Jane. I’m happy with either.
When I taught Music Together I was known as Miss Soni (even though I’m married). All of my former MT students who take private piano lessons with me continue to call me Miss Soni. Students who came on later call me Soni. The only time I was called Mrs. Conville was during my stint as a parochial school music teacher, and I never cared for it. I don’t mind being referred to by my first name; as pointed out above, what matters more is that the students and parents respect me, which they do.
Most students call me Miss Robin, even though they know I’m married (and have been so for 35 years). A few students call me Mrs. Engleman, which is their parent’s preference.
I give students the choice to call me Miss Stephani or Mrs. Austin. That way there is a form of respect (via the title) but they have a choice with how formal they want to be. Around here all the students at schools call their teachers “Mr. (or Mrs.) Last Name” so I think offering a choice gives a bit more familiarity but without the loss of respect.
My students call me by my first name, mostly because I have a difficult last name. Those who feel they must have a more formal form of address call me Miss or Ms. Holly – they have devised that themselves. Note: I’ve been teaching for over thirty years!
I introduce myself as Melissa (I’m still pretty young myself–29–so being called by my first name feels most natural to me) but if the kid seems uncomfortable with that, I say “or you can call me Miss McMahan if it’s weird to call a grown-up by her first name.” Some are relieved to hear this and do call me Miss McMahan. Most of them actually naturally fall into calling me Miss Melissa. It’s all fine by me.
Good morning Andrea! Your comment about having difficulty, as an adult yourself, calling former adults (from your youth) by their first names really resonated with me. I still have trouble with that too.
I’m sure my comment will reflect on my age and generation, but I prefer my students to call me “Mrs. _____” (last name). It’s a habit that has been ingrained in me too and I had my children do the same thing to adults they were in contact with.
But I wonder if some of this is generational….my colleague, who is 30 years younger, has her students call her “Miss _____” (first name).
As for respect? I believe my students know how much I respect them, and I feel that they respect me too. Some parents feel that the kids are “too comfy” with me, but I want them to know that not only is my studio here for lessons, but also for chatter. Sometimes just sharing a day at school or some other issue on their mind will help them play music from a deeper place in their souls.
But the main reason I ask this from my students is because I feel it separates us from “peer” status.
Deborah, I love what you said: “Some parents feel that the kids are “too comfy” with me, but I want them to know that not only is my studio here for lessons, but also for chatter. Sometimes just sharing a day at school or some other issue on their mind will help them play music from a deeper place in their souls.” – May I quote you?
Hi Jana,
Yes you may quote me. Thanks for your kind words. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I’m in the middle of Holy Week prep at my church and as the organist, I’m pretty busy right now.
Easter blessings to you and your family.
Deborah
My students call me Ms. Mandy. Ms. because I’m feel like I’m old to be Miss now, and first name because Mrs. Denny is my MOTHER IN LAW. urgh. 🙂
The tradition in India to call female teachers [First Name] Ma’am, so some students call me Leia Ma’am by default. But I hate that so I sign all my lesson notes “Ms. Leia” and asked newer students to call me Ms. Leia. 🙂
That’s interesting! I’ve wondered why my students whose families were from India called me Ma’am. Now I know! 🙂
I also started out as a younger teacher and my students called me by my first name. Then I started teaching in the schools and became Mrs. Gardner, and I really prefer that. In our studios now, to most students and even to most parents, I’m Mrs. Gardner and my husband is Mr. Tim. To me, it feels like my work “persona” and it reminds me that I’m the grown-up!
Mine call me Ms. Laura. Even the parents!
My first real teaching gig was at Alberta College Conservatory where everyone was referred to as Mrs. Last Name. As a fairly newly, married 25 year old, I loved it! Now as a approach 40, I’d prefer to be called Michelle! Lol. But some students have a hard time with that, so I answer to Mrs Miller, Ms Miller, Teacher Michelle and Michelle. I do sign all my emails as just Michelle.
I never give directions as to what I prefer to be called. They can find their own comfort zone. Younger students call me Mrs D—–. But some hear their parents and call me Sandi or Sandra. Most of my high school students still call me Mrs. D—– from habit. And some will continue to call me that years after graduating. Others will switch to using my first name at some point. All my students respect me, and that is the main thing.
If I were teaching classes I likely would prefer Mrs. D—–. I teach privately, and the only classes I tend to have are harmony or history.
I prefer Mrs. T______, but some of the parents call me Miss Jolene. Since I’m married, I don’t know why they do that – I suppose it’s from their own family culture.
My students call me Ms. Donna for the most part and some will call me Mrs. Wright. I always sign paper items and memos to parents with my full name. This seems more professional and meaningful. In texting it is Ms. Donna. I prefer to at least have Ms. or Mrs. from the students. It shows respect to me as a teacher.
I agree that it really depends on where you are from. I’m in Montreal, and my kids even call their teachers at school by their first names (this is a regular public school). I also go by my first name. Anything else would feel strange.
My last name is kind of a doosy, so I have kids address me as Miss Loriann, even though I am married. It just seems easiest
They call me Jackie. I call them Miss first name or Mr. first name.
Mine call me Ms. Tanya or Mrs. Brooks. When they go off to college and come back to see me I give them permission to call me by my first name. It’s so funny to watch them when they call me by my first name the first time. Almost always they just can’t do it. They tell me they just can’t call me by my first name because they feel disrespectful. Some of them get used to it and some don’t. But as a teacher, I feel it is important to dress nicely for my students and expect them to call me by my formal name. We have a lot of fun, but they still know I’m the one in charge, not them. That way, I keep control of the class.
My students call me Teacher Joyce.
First, let me say that I am 62 years old. When I first started, I was Ms. Jeannie but that lasted for only a short time. Currently, out of 38 students, I only have 1 student that calls me Ms. Jeannie. Everyone else calls me Jeannie. Doesn’t bother me. In fact, it tends to make me feel younger and let’s me know that my students consider me their friend. As one 9 year old said, “I don’t call my other friends ‘Ms. whatever.’ You’re my friend.” (I live in a community of 3100 people in rural Texas.)
I have mine call me whatever they are comfortable with, so I am called: Mrs. Hooks, Ms. Bethany, or just Bethany. Every student is different!
How interesting to see such different comments. In my generation (I am 64, so started school and piano in the 1950’s) every kid called every adult by Mrs. or Mr. Last Name. There was no ‘Ms’ then! I made the break for myself while at university, deciding to address faculty members by their first names. It was a stretch for me, much more than it ever was for any of them!
As a young teacher in my 20’s, I never specified for my students, but most parents asked them to call me by my last name. However, that was confusing for many, because I kept my maiden name, and as someone else mentioned, when they called me by my husband’s last name, it made me look around for my MIL.
It varies nowadays what parents tell their kids. I find that more conservative families require their kids to address me (and all other adults) as Mr. or Mrs. Last Name. My name is Kathy and that’s what I like to be called. But I answer to just about anything that is respectful!
I might add that once in a while a child will address me (at their parents’ behest, I’m sure) as ‘Miss Kathy’ — which I actually loathe! It sounds silly to me and rather infantile. I know it is a tradition in some school and music systems. One of my colleagues, a Yamaha teacher for probably 45 or 50 years (and that means she is close to 70, herself), is always addressed as ‘Miss Jodie’ and I find that just plain weird. But that’s just me. 🙂
Nope, I feel the same way about Miss “First name.” I can’t shake Romper Room from my mind when I hear it 🙂 I worked at a preschool for a couple of years and specifically asked the head teacher to please have the kids call me Mrs. _____ instead of Miss “First name” as all the other teachers were called. She was nice and let me have my name the way I wanted it 🙂
I have one family that calls me Ms. Jennifer and it drives me nuts. The parent started it and I’m sure it was because at school that is how their teachers were addressed. They are the only one’s and I figure they won’t be with me forever so despite that I’ve tried to correct, I just deal. LOL!
Yah, I guess we just deal. If you think about it, someone started the Mr. and Mrs somewhere in history. That was probably weird for the adults when that came into being back then. 😀
Wow, this post collected a lot of replies so quickly. I think it’s something worthy of talking about since it is apart of many facets of our lives: everywhere we look, there are adults, and there are kids. I’m 42 years old and was raised calling adults Mr. and Mrs/Ms. It’s ingrained in me. I STILL call my dad’s best friend Mr.______. He told me once I didn’t need to, but I just can’t get myself to call him by his first name. I am on the side of the fence that prefers all kids to call adults Mr/Mrs, but I often feel very awkward because the majority of parents introduce me to their children on a first name basis. It’s maddening, but I feel too silly to ask them all to have their kids call me Mrs______ . Since no one seems to use those titles outside of teachers at school, I feel that requiring it would put a weird spotlight on me in their eyes. If a student can’t remember my name at first, and asks me, I’ll always say Mrs.________, and smile.
Anna, I have to admit that I was appalled that a parent would take the liberty to introduce you to their child without asking you what you would prefer to be called. As for “feeling silly” addressing this situation, it’s probably because you are still young. Once you hit your late 50’s (like I am now), you will have much more comfort in establishing yourself however you wish it to be. Best wishes!!! 🙂
Before I moved to where I am I was called by my first name. When I moved I decided I wanted to change to be called Mrs. Foxx. What I found most interesting is that the parents also call me Mrs. Foxx and noticed more respect from the parents as well. They seem to me as a teacher and my business overall more seriously.
I come form a long public school background, so now that I am in private practice I still make them refer to me as Mr. Otherwise it breaks down the professional barrier and makes one a less effective teacher. Plus, at least for male teachers, opens up a plethora of other problems….since you asked…my opinion….bad idea.
One day I got an email from a 14 year old student that started out” Hey Em” I hate the “Em” and I thought it a good teaching lesson on respect and what to call ” the teacher”. She now addresses me as “Emily”….which is fine and she does not use the “Hey”……..I think little ,little ones need to be told from the beginning of the relationship what is acceptable to the teacher…….just don’t address me as “Hey Em”!
It depends on the age of my student. Adults and most of the high school agers call me Janet. Younger than that usually use Mrs. Janet. I tend to be informal in the lessons, so addressing me as Mrs. _________ just seems out of place.
Most of mine address me as Gregory. That’s my name and I wouldn’t want to be called anything else. I’m not into formalities at all. Certainly not Mr Gregory. That is incorrect because you don’t put “Mr” in front of a first name. I totally disagree that being addressed by one’s first name makes anyone less of a teacher or implies less respect. To me it introduces friendliness and puts students as ease. A couple have tried to called me Mr Porilo, but I soon put a stop to that by telling them I haven’t been a “Mr” for the last 8 years, since I became a “Dr” !! So I tell everyone just to call me Gregory. Certainly not Greg. I absolutely hate that !!
I introduce myself to the student as Mrs. “Last name.” I prefer that over the more informal first name. And, I’ve never liked the use of “Mrs. First Name.” I believe using my last name sets a good tone with the student; I am your teacher first and foremost. At some point we may become friends, but I will always be your teacher. When my previous students have grown into adults, they usually make the switch to using my first name which is very much to my liking. But when I am teaching, I prefer the more formal Last Name use.
Interesting discussion here! I predominantly work with elementary aged children both in private piano and public school music, so in both environments I have them refer to me as “Ms. (last name)”. I only have transfer students that are high school aged or my adult piano students refer to me by my first name. I’m in my early 30s but have an old school soul, so I feel strongly about young ones using Mr. or Ms./Mrs. out of a sign of respect.
I have been teaching for over 30 years and since I taught a lot of my children’s friends, many of them called me Mrs. V……. Students who knew me from church used my first name. Since I have moved to a completely different state 6 years ago, I decided to stick with the Mrs. V…….as many have said, as a sign of respect since that is what they call their teachers at school. I have had a few people ask what to call me and so now I always make it a point to introduce myself to the student as Mrs. V……. at the interview, but then tell them you may call me Mrs. V or Miss Karen, whatever is most comfortable for you. I find that most all of them use the Mrs. V…….. I do think it is a generational and geographic issue.
I tell them to call me Mary. Some say Miss Mary, which I like. I was Mrs. Rude (which I never liked), got divorced, and think Ms. Aalgaard sounds weird. I think it’s fine to be more personal and familiar. It goes with the business.
I have always preferred Mrs. ___________. I also come from a generation where you didn’t call anyone older than you by their first name unless they said you could, and like a few other comments I read, it makes it clear who is the teacher and who is the student. I believe that so much is becoming so ‘loosy goosy’ in this world nowadays, and if children learn what they see, a little respect doesn’t hurt.
I’m “Jennifer” or “Ms. Jennifer” to most, “Jen” or “Mrs. Lorys” to few. I embrace all of my names as I firmly believe that respect is a learned and earned behavior. The student must LEARN how to respect, the teacher must EARN it and vice versa. No title will ever TEACH this behavior.
Wow, what variety! I’ve been indecisive about what they should call me, so there’s no consistency. Some call me Mrs. Peterson and some call me Alice. Then there’s the sweet 14 yr old young for his age boy who calls me Miss Alice.
This is so funny. But in South Africa, it is usual to call somebody older than you as Aunty (first name). This probably stems from the Afrikaans tradition, and is considered extremely polite and respectful. (Even though some of you in the Americas may think not)
I however cannot imagine being referred to as Aunty Stacey, since it sounds too old for words. And so my pupils call me Stacey, by default, since I have never actually told any of them (except the pre school ones) what to call me.
I do sign my complete name on all correspondence though, and still address my old piano teachers as Mrs (last name) or Aunty (first name)
This is a weird topic for me. First, I read all the comments and wow. (a) I am very thankful that the German term for Miss (Fräulein) is so out-fashioned that absolutely no one uses it anymore. (b) To be called Mrs. First Name would be awkward. It’s not customary here and it just feels wrong to me.
So, for my younger piano students (under 18) and younger voice students (under 12-13) I’m Mrs. Last Name. Any student that’s older than these limits is free to call me by my first name. Actually, I have no idea why I use different age limits for voice and piano. It doesn’t make sense o_O
I wrestled with this. I felt that Joanne was too casual and Mrs. Andrews was too formal so I opted for something “cool” and asked the kids to call me Mrs. J. It seems to do the trick. 🙂
Hi there,
I currently teach and work in Malta and here I’m mostly called Ms Julia, sometimes just Miss or really occasionally Ms Miller in the emails. I don’t mind any if them. I just feel old when someone calls me Ms Miller though….
I’m “Miss Libby” to most of my students. Some of the older ones just call me Libby. I’m told it’s a southern thing (I didn’t grow up in Virginia) and that I could be 85 years old and married and they would STILL call me Miss Libby. Fortunately, I’m good with that.