We’ve all had them at some point… piano students who just don’t practice. Their progress is slow, their motivation is low and their books lay forgotten for weeks… on the floor of a minivan.
When this happens, we should first look at ways to tweak our teaching and our repertoire choices. But when all the tweaking in the world still doesn’t work… it’s time to get the parents on board the practice train.
But getting parents on board isn’t always easy. Nobody wants to send uncomfortable emails to parents discussing their children’s shortcomings. This is why, in today’s post, we’re going to help you make the most of an awkward situation and share some tips about what to say to parents when their children just aren’t practicing at home.
How To Talk To Parents About Inconsistent Practice
Some teachers do everything they can to avoid sending uncomfortable emails regarding inconsistent practice because they worry it might result in losing a student. But while it may seem prudent to avoid “opening a can of worms” or “rocking the boat” if left unattended, the can of worms eventually explodes… and the boat inevitably sinks.
So… to avoid those flying arthropods and coastguard mayday calls, here are my three tips (with included “email starters”) that you can use to communicate with parents regularly, positively, and proactively about getting their children back into effective home practice routines.
1. Rocking the boat is fine as long as the water is calm…
Timing is very important when it comes to communication about piano practice. It’s best to get in touch as soon as you notice a consistent change in practice routines or a dip in progress. Waiting until it becomes a multi-week issue typically means that the parents have been experiencing frustration at home, the child has been feeling inadequate for weeks, and lesson time has repeatedly been less productive… in other words, the seas are already a bit rough.
Wondering what to say when a practice problem first arises? I start my emails like this:
Hi Emily – I just wanted to get in touch with you. I noticed that Sam hasn’t been as motivated over the last few weeks in terms of his home practice. I know it’s a busy time of year, so if it’s simply because of your family schedule I completely understand. Just thought I’d check in to see if there was anything I could adjust on my end. He has new music that he was excited about this week… hoping he’ll play it for you right away! If you need suggestions for helping him at home call or email me and I’d be happy to discuss.
2. Sail Toward The Horizon with Positivity…
Treating piano practice as something that is distasteful or chore-like sets a negative tone for piano practice. Communication with parents and students surrounding home practice should always have a positive and proactive tone. This means that parents are more likely to view dips in home practice as resulting from factors that can be fixed rather than as something that is inevitable and negative. When communicating with piano parents about home practice, always offer a positive solution.
Here’s how I start my emails when I want to call attention to a practice issue, yet keep the tone positive:
Hi Jordan – I really enjoyed helping Sophia with her composition in lessons last week! She seemed to be really keen to show it to you, and I know that having her very own piece to play at home will help her get to the piano more frequently this week. She loved experimenting with making her own motives! When she’s at the piano this week, could you encourage her to create some more motives and bring them into her next lesson? Thanks in advance for your assistance. She just glows when she’s excited to show me her practice results in the weeks where she spends a lot of time at home on the piano.
3. You need more than one person rowing the boat…
A boat moves slower when only one person is rowing. Being the only person in charge of a piano student’s home practice success is a precarious position to hold. When things get rocky, all eyes turn to you.
Frequent communication with parents about home practice ensures that you establish a healthy balance of responsibility. This means that communication about home practice isn’t one-sided. Instead, it’s a collaboration of parent and teacher that results in a much more stable response.
Needing to catch a practice problem in the early stages and encourage parental participation? I start my emails like this:
Hi Jenny – I know we talked last week about Owen’s frustration with his practice at home. Fill me in – was it better this week? I sent home a piano game that the two of you could play if he starts to get upset- it teaches the same concept that his current piece focuses on but might provide a new way of looking at the rhythm that is causing him troubles. I know he’d love to play it with you or with Mark. Today we talked about practice strategies in his lesson (as you and I did on the phone on Monday). If you could gently remind him of these strategies when he’s at the piano I think he’ll have a much better week. Thanks for your help – we’ll get him through this glitch 🙂
The Final Piece Of The Puzzle
Encouraging parents to regularly communicate with YOU is the final piece of the puzzle! You may be surprised to find that parents are actually worried about bringing practice problems to your attention instead of vice versa. Frequently check-in and ask for updates from their perspective. Working as a team on the home practice front means having all of the information out in the open at all times.
Make Practice Easier With Home Practice Workbooks
Kids often skip home piano practice because they forget what to practice or are confused about a skill or concept.
The smallest problem can result in an entire week of missed practice…
Unless kids have home practice workbooks to fall back on. Click on a cover below to learn more about two books that will keep your kids practicing week after week after week.
Looking For More Help With Parent Communication?
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Hi,
I make it clear in the interview process the triangle practice and each person’s responsibility. I teach HOW to practice; the parents provide the enviornment, schedule, and reminders; the student practices. Of course, I use age appropriate language in the interview for the child. I remind the student they are not allowed to complain or fuss at the parent for the reminders. (I know you wouldn’t do this but….)
Remember, it’s your work enviornment. Don’t keep students who don’t practice. When the ebb and flow of good students happen you know how to give fun pieces, review pieces, easy pieces, according to their needs.
I just love the way you phrase things just right! Now, if only the world’s leaders could be just as diplomatic, optimistic and respectful when communicating with one another, right?!
Yes! This is why I train musicians. When we train whole people to be musicians I believe they carry these life lessons forward in whichever profession they decide on. It is often far more than how to play an instrument in what we are teaching, in my opinion. Many people in leadership positions have learned music and are more adept at communication because of it.
My experience has been that quite a few Parents are happy to ignore communication as long as they know the Teacher will continue to teach. It only becomes important to such parents when the Teacher recommends stopping class.
I know this is not the subject of today’s post but just wondering if there will be more composer trading cards coming soon.
Hi Eunice! Yes – absolutely! We’ve just had our artist return another set and so we’ll release more in February for sure 🙂
In exasperation one day I told a student’s mom that if her child didn’t practice then she (the mom) would be paying me to teach the same songs next week. The look on her face told me she “got it”.
This is an issue for a number of my students. I seem to have a lot of parents who just want their children to be exposed to music and learn to appreciate it. Practice is not enforced at home, so I have several students whose progress is painfully slow because they don’t open the books between lessons at all! And it’s not that practice has stalled, they have just never established practice routines at home in the first place.
I would be interested to know how to approach a conversation with a parent who is not interested in enforcing practice. It’s so uncomfortable to let mom know that lessons are a waste of my time/their time and hard-earned money!
I agree! I have a parents that will make the excuse at the beginning of lesson for their kid saying ‘it’s been a busy week…’ and then you hear the kids giving you similar excuses every other time. They want their kids to just have fun but don’t understand the required discipline. There seems to be very little one can do if parents don’t get it and kids aren’t self-motivated.
Is that the time we should just give them what they want and accept that they are paying customers that are getting what they want? I understand the frustration with this!!
In my studio, we seem to have a lot of “overbooked” kids. The parents enroll them in dance, soccer, piano, taekwondo, etc. They do so many things but just don’t seem to have the time to devote to “getting good” at any of them. Seems pretty counterproductive to me but the parents want to keep them busy…so they say.
I’m nearing the end of my 7 week ‘Great Effort Challenge’. If students come to lesson having practiced a minimum of 5 days, have shown evidence of reading their practice planner (I write specific notes and questions that require responses) and demonstrate effort throughout lesson time then a happy face is recorded in my logbook. The student with the most at the end ‘wins’ and I don’t tell them what they win because I explain that the prize is determined by the winner and then I’ll create an appropriate prize (last year I took the winner to a student opera production of the Magic Flute…and a snack at a hip little resto ;). Now I’m also using this as a measurable tool for me … those who have not met the ‘challenge’ 3 times or more during the 7 weeks will be asked to ‘take a break’ for a month to reflect and consider why they want to take piano lessons. I’m developing a worksheet to help those students since just talking about it only resulted in the students coming back and inevitably slipping back into old/no habits. It’s very very difficult and I beat myself up over this more often than not but something I’ve come to truly realize is the time and effort spent on trying to motivate and giving them more and more tools to help teach themselves to practice is too much after awhile. I’ll work my behind off for weeks and weeks for a student only to realize I’m the only one doing any work. While I do appreciate the opportunity to gain further strategies and general teaching approaches/tools, there comes a time where the other students don’t get ‘enough’ of you and you need to make the call to dismiss those who are zapping the energy out of you. Short time discomfort (to say the least, uggg) but my continued goal is of creating and nurturing curiosity, creativity, work ethic and independence in my students.
Wow, thank you for this article and blog comments! I can’t believe how this describes some of my students! Currently I’m teaching at a performing arts academy and I can’t really enforce “my way”… but when I open my own studio, I’m going to have a little informal contract with parents so they are aware that I must have their COOPERATION!
Thank you for this article….and I thought it was just some of my students that never practice. LOL In an effort to motivate students and parents I started a new practice incentive the first of the year that would get the parents on board (I hoped) by having the parents set up a reward incentive after their child earned so many 5-star lessons (a star sticker on their assignment sheet). I awarded the 5-star and they rewarded after a certain number of those lessons were achieved. The interesting thing is that my good practicers and their parents jumped on board with it right away….my so-so practicers mostly improved as well but my never-practicers and their parents have not participated even though they received the same info as all the other parents. Isn’t that just like so many things in life. I’m sure school teachers would have alot to say about that as well!
I think it’s useful to also involve the child in the process- having the conversation with the child first gives them some power and ownership over the process. “Dante I’m noticing that you’re not really practicing any of the things we worked on at your last lesson. Why do you think that is? What can we do to help motivate you to practice?” the child might have some insights about what is keeping him/her from the bench that we can use to motivate them in the future. Can we choose repertoire that our students would like better? Do we need to use better motivators than stickers/points/praise? We might also find out what helps them complete their homework assignments at school.
These are great points Galili! 🙂 Thanks for commenting.
I notice that when the first flush of the “piano honeymoon” is over, nobody knows quite what to do when the child slips into carelessness, not reading the notebook, and trying to divert attention away from the instruction and lesson plan…some colourful visuals on a whiteboard can help outline and structure what I am going to do with them that day, and one of your tactful emails is good too.