We recently adopted a new puppy. Marley is a shaggy, loveable Goldendoodle. Marley also has a serious need for some manners. So, off to Puppy Kindergarten I went with full expectations for being royally embarrassed. Repeatedly.
I hadn’t been to any sort of school for quite a few years; it’s usually me doing the instructing now a days. Being back in a semi-classroom environment made me realize two things about myself:
1) I have serious issues with needing to be perfect.
2) I really enjoy being praised.
As embarrassing as it is to admit those two things I learned a great deal about teaching methods from the very officious instructor; mostly because she was so very different from myself.
Wait a Minute! Where’s the “Good!?”
When I take on a project I TAKE IT ON… hardcore. Marley and I practiced like fiends at home with our little clicker and bag of treats. Come the next class I fully expected to not only pass at least 2 of the 4 levels required to ‘graduate’ but also to be used as a class example of exactly how to train your dog; in fact I wouldn’t have been surprised if they offered me a position as guest instructor.
Not so much.
The instructor is undyingly kind, patient and respectful. She watched our progress, offered a smile and a few tips and then stepped back. I waited for the gushing of praise that she must have forgotten to bestow upon us. (Surely she had never seen such a clever dog, I mean really, had she somehow missed his “down from a distance”?!)
Nope, she had seen it. In fact she watched everything carefully and still offered a few tweaks here and there. We kept working. And then it happened. “Good! Really good.” and she moved on.
I swear I grinned like a little kid. Yes! And then I realized what she was doing. And then, of course, I was forced to examine my own teaching methods.
The Simple Change and The Magic that Followed
When I looked at myself as a piano teacher I realized that I spend a good deal of my time praising my piano students for every little thing they do… and I sometimes even praise them when they almost do it! Now that I was conscious of this fact I really noticed just how much I used words like “Good!” and “Almost!”. And while my piano students love me (and I still believe in creating a supportive and caring learning environment) I realized that my gushing words were actually stifling motivation. My praise had lost its value.
Over the next few weeks I backed off considerably. Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t all of a sudden turn mean! But what I did do was reserve my words of affirmation for when it really counted. I noticed my students would subtly be looking for my “good” or my “great” as they worked in the lessons, and when it wasn’t there immediately, they tried just that little bit harder. Little niggly things that I’ve been talking to them about for weeks suddenly were fixed. Their attention was more focused. They were more goal-oriented. Magic happened.
I’m On To You
Now that I know the instructor’s game, I come to puppy class just itching for that “good”. My daughter and I actually did fist-pumps last week when she calmly announced that Marley was now Level 3 in “Polite Walking”. We knew we really deserved it, and it felt so good for that to be acknowledged. Her praise is hard to come by, and so Lexi and I find ourselves working harder and paying more attention to really get it right. I know for a fact that Marley would still be helping himself to food off of the table if we weren’t so motivated.
My piano students aren’t quite on to me. They have noticed a difference, but it’s a difference they can’t quite put their finger on. I still gush, but I gush in a carefully thought-out fashion. Who knew piano teaching lessons could be learned in Puppy Kindergarten! 🙂
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I think I really needed to hear this. Excellent insight!
You are so right, Andrea! My piano teacher was the same. I think I got a “good” out of her once a year! And I felt so special and accomplished when I received it. She was not mean, but she saved her praise for when she really meant it. I think I need to tone down the praise, too!
Hmmm… Will pay more attention to my comments today….
“Good” advice.
Another timely message for me, piano angel! I’ve got a student who’s father has told me he doesn’t want me to praise his son when he’s not deserved it. He evidently had noticed my overuse of the word, “good!” So, I have been listening to myself for the last few months and trying hard to be specific. When I would used to just say “good job,” now it’s “You didn’t go too fast! You played the right notes this time,” etc. I like your idea of just waiting until the right moment, too. Thanks!
Just a note about praise. Thanks for writing this! I have often wondered just how much praise is good.
Gen
This is my favorite post of yours ever and the most instructive!
I needed to be reminded of this. I’ve been teaching throughout my treatment for breast cancer since last November, and I’ve really been encouraging my students who stayed with me throughout this journey, but I’ve been frustrated with a few of them who, yes, had apparently lost the value of my praise as it was being freely given. This is a great reminder to make that praise *worthwhile* and more challenging to earn. Thanks for the lesson from puppy kindergarten. 🙂
It is essential to understand the difference between praise and encouragement. Praise focuses on the person. Encouragement focuses on the result. Praise says “Good boy.” Encouragement says “Good job.” Praise says “I am so proud of you”. Encouragement says “you must be so proud of yourself”. Praise says “What a beautiful picture you drew.” Encouragement says “Tell me what you like about it.”
Praise is like candy – it supplies instant gratification, leaves the child craving more, and provides nothing to build on. Encouragement, on the other hand, nourishes the child’s self-esteem, while giving them the impetus to improve for their own sake, not ours.
When my five children were young, I discovered the book “How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Their lessons on positive parenting changed our family dynamics forever! It is well worth a read.
I really needed to see this! I am a constant ‘over-praiser.’ Ha ha. 😉 (It was even an inside joke at the New School for Music Study how many times I said, “Awesome” to a piano student for every little thing. (even if it wasn’t quite ‘awesome.’) I’m going to try your little experiment and see if I see a change. 😉
GREAT insight and fabulous post!
Thanks for sharing this. And thanks to Jacqui for sharing about the “How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen” book. Although I’m not a parent yet, I think it might possibly help me to better deal with some issues that I have with a few of my students. Going to Amazon to buy it now.